ASHEVILLE, N.C. — Local show-goer and humanitarian Eric Stevenson displayed a level of altruism never before seen at a punk show when he bought merchandise from opening ska-punk band “Sproingus” late last night, confirmed multiple sources who remain blown away by his generosity.
“Like a lot of people, I had no interest in the opening band. They played a six-minute set and two of their songs were covers, but I wanted to show them I appreciated their effort,” said Stevenson. “When I saw they actually had merch they were trying to sell I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness, not just for them, but for everyone in the venue. It was like seeing those dogs in the Sarah McLaughlin commercials. You just know those opening acts aren’t being treated right. I doubt the venue is even giving them drink tickets. They could asphyxiate.”
Sproingus’ frontman Alex Cromwell was nearly in tears talking about Stevenson’s patronage.
“We’ve been playing living room shows and crouching room-only venues in North Carolina for a few months now,” said Walsh. “It’s always been a real struggle. And opening for an act as big as Bodyshot Wonderland is always gonna be daunting. There was a crowd of… maybe two dozen people there. And none of them came to see us. But when that man left our merch table with one of our shirts and a copy of our demo tape, it made me remember that there is good in this world after all. He even said he would help us get our songs on Spotify, maybe he’s a guardian angel.”
Stevenson’s generosity has also caught some international attention, with Swedish Nobel Committee member Ingmar Halström.
“In an increasingly self-focused world, it is refreshing on par with baptism to know that the milk of human kindness still flows in people like Mr. Stevenson,” said Halström. “In my mind, he should be a top contender for the Nobel Peace Prize. I mean, in my mind, there are only two great activists in the world right now: Greta Thunberg and Eric Stevenson. You can argue against it, but I’d remind you, Henry Kissinger has a Nobel Peace Prize. And Kissinger has never bought from an opening band a day in his life, I can tell you that.”
At press time, Stevenson is preparing to lead a pledge drive with fellow music-based humanitarian Bono, the proceeds of which will go directly to benefitting bands that have opened for U2 over the years.