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Hardcore Singer Accidentally Swallows Microphone

CLEVELAND — Live It Down lead vocalist Eric Sarno turned a recent show into an abject scene of horror when he accidentally swallowed the venue’s only working microphone, witnesses confirmed.

“He does the ‘microphone in mouth’ move all the time,” said bassist Jake Mainini. “Nobody saw this coming, it’s something we would joke about, but the time for jokes is over. We have to pay for that microphone out of the band fund. Which sucks because we actually thought we might make money on tonight’s show.”

Reports indicate Sarno was bouncing around the stage with the microphone in his mouth when he was inadvertently hit in the back by a man attempting a stage dive. The microphone then disappeared down Sarno’s throat, leaving everyone questioning where to scream the lyrics.

“Some of us started screaming into his belly, as if he were pregnant. Others decided to yell down his throat, it was sheer pandemonium,” said show patron Marie Daniels.

“I had it under control. I knew I just needed a few minutes and maybe a coffee before everything would be back to normal,” said Sarno following the ordeal. “Someone yelled out that I should ‘pull a GG’ and puke the thing up and keep playing, but I don’t know, I didn’t want the mic to chip a tooth on the way out.”

 

Show promoter Rob Wilford was not pleased with the situation.

“It was unprofessional. We hold these guys to a certain standard and swallowing a microphone whole is as rookie of a move as playing out of tune or covering the same band twice in one set,” said Wilford.

All signs point to Sarno making a full recovery, but the microphone was not so lucky.

“We have to throw it out. Most mics are gross with spit and other bodily fluids, but I can’t justify using a microphone that is partially digested,” said Wilford. “Besides, this mic had a good run. The thing survived four shows, which is a new record.”

Sarno is currently recovering at home, spending his time bragging on the Internet about being the first guy “to finally make this happen.”

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16 Comments

  1. Aaron Long February 12, 2015

    There is also evidence that exactly 0 females where spotted in the audience.

    • J. Spinster February 13, 2015

      It’s a lot like finding Waldo. Right side, half way the the picture. You’ll see an orange wristband, a white phone and the top of her head.

    • zezima February 14, 2015

      There is also evidence that you know nothing of the english spelling

  2. Cole Peterson February 12, 2015

    he ate it without any milk! Wtf

  3. Eric D. Cheek February 13, 2015

    Is this fucking saitre? It SURE READS LIKE IT

    • Chucklemaster February 13, 2015

      Yes it is. good job, you successfully identified a joke.

    • DDL February 13, 2015

      It’s celibate satire.

  4. DoomPatrolman February 13, 2015

    “Some of us started screaming into his belly, as if he were pregnant.” >>> dammit, if you scream into a pregnant woman’s belly, you’ll make the baby deaf! Ignoramuses.

  5. Mbp February 13, 2015

    well, if his band doesnt make it, he has a future in gay porn for sure…

  6. dharvell February 13, 2015

    He is sure to never “live it down”.

  7. Poldark February 13, 2015

    I heard the experience has left him unable to stomach his own music anymore.

  8. Will February 13, 2015

    On the bright side, if it’s hardcore at least it wouldn’t have made any change to the vocal style, and it would’ve made an improvement on the lyrical content. Not being able to identify which songs were and which song wasn’t dedicated to the ex-girlfriend he had when he was 15 would’ve made things much more enjoyable for the audience.

  9. Steelasophical February 14, 2015

    Reblogged this on My Blog and commented:
    Hardcore Singer Accidentally Swallows Microphone

  10. chardman February 14, 2015

    was he just trying to show any A&R guys in the audience that they were ready, willing and able for that big contract (or shoe sponsorship) and got carried away?

  11. bobogolem February 14, 2015

    This is the most romantic moment in the history of hardcore.

Comments are closed.