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Guy Who Looks Like He’s in a Bauhaus Cover Band Not Amused by that Observation

DUNWOODY, Ga. — Local goth Gordon Fletcher was reportedly unamused by a coworker’s recent observation that he looks like someone who would play in a Bauhaus cover band, according to witnesses.

“My son Bradley loves this band Bauhaus,” said Glenn Thomas, Fletcher’s cubicle-mate and an amateur speedboat racer. “They all look like they just escaped from a morgue, and wear a lot of black, like Gordy. So I joked he should start a Bauhaus cover band. Kind of like what Badfish did with Sublime, you know?”

While the nuances of goth culture are not lost on Fletcher, he feels his coworkers’ perspective is anything but intersectional.

“If that guy knew anything about goths, he’d know I look way more similar to the guys in Christian Death than Bauhaus,” said Fletcher. “He just sees black clothes and immediately assumes I love Bauhaus. Don’t get me wrong, I do. I just don’t see the joke in it.”

While goths are a minority in America, often self-employed or working in alternative music venues or record shops, a lackluster economy has forced many goths to seek more mainstream employment. Numerous community organizations have sprung up to help goths make their transition more smoothly.

“It’s not ideal, but we do encourage some level of assimilation into mainstream culture,” said Raymond Beasley, also known as Reznor Blaze, the director of the Goth Workforce Project. “You can be true to yourself and your aesthetic without making your coworkers uncomfortable. In other words, leave your black trench coat at home.”

According to leaked HR documents, this wasn’t the first instance of Bauhaus-based bullying Fletcher experienced on the job. After hand-delivering a memo to a coworker across the office last summer, Fletcher was allegedly given the nickname, “Telegram Sam.”

“At first I was just shocked they all knew that reference,” said Fletcher. “But after a whole afternoon, the novelty wore off. It just started to really hurt my feelings. Besides, that song is actually a T-Rex cover.”

Following an unsuccessful mediation through human resources, Fletcher is now hoping to be moved to the mail room in the basement.

“There are no windows down there, and nobody who works in that room ever smiles. That seems like the perfect place for me,” said Fletcher.

Photo by Kat Chish.