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Guy In Anal Cunt Shirt Really Hoping Someone Asks Him To Name Three Songs

BUFFALO—Local extreme music fan “Dirty” Travis Macintyre is eager to showcase his genre knowledge by explaining the brutal song titles of Anal Cunt to a stranger, sources report.

“When I heard people were asking people in band shirts to prove their fandom by naming songs, I immediately ordered a different Anal Cunt shirt for every day of the week,” said Dirty, while carving the word “fuck” into a park picnic table with a butterfly knife. “I have my three song titles ready, and I can’t wait to see the look on all the snowflakes’ faces when I spit out the most brutal sentence ever written. They cover the full gamut of awful: murder, all types of assault, involving all sorts of people. I’d say them right now, but there’s a cop over there, and I don’t want to violate my parole.”

While the song titles might inflict emotional distress on the average person, Macintyre’s mother, Cyndy Slater, is well aware that her son is no stranger to controversy.

“Travis has always been someone who craved attention. As a kid, he’d run around with his diaper filled, trying to gross out other kids, and really, this isn’t that different,” said an exhausted Slater. “Like any mother, I just hope that someday he settles down, gets married, and finds what he’s looking for in life. But on his last date, he brought a dead possum that he found in the parking lot into the restaurant, so I’m not holding my breath.”

Dr. Janice Linkletter, Director of Psychology at Johns Hopkins, posits that we are currently experiencing a profound renaissance of such behaviors.

“With Reddit, 4Chan, and Truck Flags, there are no shortage of ways to be an asshole. It used to be that dickheads only were able to meet up locally, but now all they have to do is write ‘play stupid games win stupid prizes’ on a local news comment thread and they gather together like pigs in slop,” said Dr. Linkletter. “Pushing the status quo has always been a goal of trailblazing artists. That being said, we went from Alice Cooper wearing black eye makeup to G.G. Allin eating fistfuls of shit in about eight years. At this rate, we’ll be dead by next year.”

Macintyre was unavailable for further comment, as he was busy calling a 12-year-old various slurs on Call Of Duty.