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D.R.I. Logo Tears ACL

HOUSTON — D.R.I.’s legendary “Skanker Man” was sidelined with a torn ACL following an injury brought on by decades of touring and the wear-and-tear of life on the road, doctors confirmed.

“It was a typical night,” said the logo. “I was there for the load-in, soundcheck, everything. Then about halfway through the show, I’m in the crowd, like usual… and I just came down on it wrong. I heard the pop and I realized something was wrong immediately.”

Fans of the logo were shocked to hear he had suffered what could be a career-ending injury.

“He’s held it in that bent position for thirty-four years straight,” said longtime fan Becky Clayborn. “I don’t know that he can do anything else; that’s been his whole career. It’s heartbreaking. I mean, where do you go from there?”

The logo stoically tried to carry on several more days with a steady dose of pain relieving patches and bandage wraps, but was forced to seek medical attention after his makeshift brace and cane ruined the aesthetic of the band’s bass drum.

“He really tried to put the pain out his head and carry on as much as he could,” said D.R.I. frontman Kurt Brecht speaking about the logo. “His knee was so swollen he almost started to look like the silhouette on women’s bathrooms, it was tough to see him in pain like that.”

Representatives of the band say D.R.I. has temporarily brought in the Circle Jerks logo to help finish out the tour until their own logo is back on his feet.

“Look, it gets harder as you get older,” said the Circle Jerks logo. “I do at least half an hour of stretching before every show and definitely hit an ice bath afterward. You can learn all about it in my new web series, ‘Punk Rock Pilates.’”

Despite the injury, the logo is trying to maintain good spirits. “I guess you could say I’m Dealing With It. You know, like the album?” he pleaded.

Doctors say Skanker Man is expected to make a full recovery, and the knee is now on the mend thanks to intense physical therapy at the same clinic where the Descendents logo was treated for early-onset male-pattern baldness.

Article by John Kennedy.