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Guitarist Takes 40 Minutes to Realize “The Music Man” Not an Ernie Ball Biopic

HOUSTON — Aspiring prog metal guitarist Paul Issacson watched the 1962 film version of “The Music Man under the incorrect assumption that it depicts the life and story of guitar maker Ernie Ball, amused friends reported.

“I figured I’d learn a bit more about this Ernie Ball guy since I’m considering shelling out $3,800 for a Music Man Kaizen guitar, but let me tell you- ‘The Music Man’ is nothing like I expected,” explained Issacson, whose strong guitar skills are matched only by his obliviousness to anything not guitar related. “Turns out it’s some old-timey musical with absolutely no crushing riffs, tasty licks, or even some light noodling. The movie has no mention of Ernie Ball or colorful guitar string packs. I didn’t realize this until almost an hour in, but I watched the whole thing just in case.”

Representatives from Ernie Ball Music Man explain that this confusion happens frequently.

“Guitarists aren’t the smartest people, so it’s no surprise that we commonly hear stories of people confusing the movie with us, or taking their broken Fender guitar to an auto repair shop,” said Ernie Ball Music Man spokesperson Iris Broder. “We probably should make a documentary about how we dominated the guitar string market or designed the radical St. Vincent guitar. But in the meantime, at least watch ‘The Music Man’ to the end. Some of the songs do kinda go hard, like ‘The Wells Fargo Wagon.’”

An Ernie Ball Music Man signature artist shared some thoughts on the company’s relationship to the classic Broadway musical and film adaptation.

“I wouldn’t have started Animals as Leaders if it wasn’t for songs like ‘Shipoopi,’” admitted phenom guitarist Tosin Abasi, whose unique style has infuriated boomer blues guitarists worldwide. “Those songs on ‘The Music Man’ soundtrack broke my brain open and laid the foundation for my polyrhythmic two-hand tapping technique. Anyone who’s seen the movie can clearly see where I got my ideas from. It’s borderline plagiarism. The estate of Buddy Hackett has threatened to sue me.”

As of press time, Issacson has reportedly enrolled at a seminary in order to get a discount on Reverend Guitars.