WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold move to counteract rumors of the President’s declining physical prowess, the Biden campaign is set to release an awe-inspiring martial arts video showcasing Joe Biden effortlessly taking down multiple aides without so much as touching them. Sources close to the campaign revealed that the video, shot in the style of a training video, features Biden harnessing the power of “decades of experience and training” to send aides flying across the room with just a stern look or a pointed finger, all while maintaining a calm and presidential demeanor.
The video, titled “Biden Fu: The Way of the Whisper,” has already garnered buzz among White House insiders. “It’s incredible. One moment, an aide is approaching him with a policy suggestion, and the next, they’re catapulted into a filing cabinet with just a subtle eyebrow raise from the President,” gushed one staffer. Critics, however, claim the video is just a distraction from pressing issues, but they too have mysteriously found themselves pinned against walls, unable to move, after underestimating the power of Biden’s silent but deadly martial arts.
As of press time, the President had not responded to a low level MMA fighter challenging him to a match.