PHILADELPHIA — Popular Pennsylvania folk punk act Horse-Drawn Buggery announced their disbandment today, citing the imminent end of Rumspringa and their need to return to Lancaster County for the rest of their lives.
“I know this news will upset our fans,” said singer and washboard player Sarah Fisher. “But we’ve known it was coming since the moment we slapped a Violent Femmes sticker on our buggy and hit the road. We’re thankful to the scene for allowing us to experience life among the English. Unfortunately, that chapter of our lives is over, and the next chapter mostly involves raising sheep and bearing many plain, joyless children.”
While fans reacted to the announcement with shock and dismay, the Pennsylvania Dutch community welcomed the return of their prodigal sons and daughters.
“It is truly a time for celebration,” said an unsmiling Minister Jacob Goodman of First Lancaster Baptist Church. “Rumspringa is an important time in young people’s lives — it’s their only chance to dress immodestly, have a beer or two, and do some serious damage in the pit. As we all know, however, there’s a time when every young adult must stop thrashing skinheads and start threshing grain, so we’re happy to welcome Horse-Drawn Buggery back into the fold.”
In contrast to Minister Goodman’s optimism, many in the greater Pennsylvania folk punk community are mourning the loss of yet another scene fixture to Anabaptism.
“Ah, shit. It happened again,” lamented Felix Ferret, lead fiddler of rogue folk band Beetroot Blitzkrieg. “Seems like we can’t make it two months without a headliner taking the pins off their suspenders and panhandling back to farm country. This spring it was The Ornery Ordnung, and before that it was Susanna Stoltz and the Leviticus Lizards. You can still find them jamming at those food stalls on Highway 30, but it’s weird hearing them play the gutbucket without a bitchin’ guitar riff backing them up. Gotta hand it to ‘em, though: they sell some killer turnips.”
At press time, the members of Horse-Drawn Buggery were wantonly celebrating the last night of Rumspringa by looking into mirrors and operating tractors with wild abandon.