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Experts Predict Couple from Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge Will Finally Touch Lips in 2049

NEWARK, N.J. — Geologists predict the man and woman on the cover of My Chemical Romance’s landmark 2004 album “Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge” will finally make contact in a kiss in the year 2049, sources who can’t believe that album is almost 20 years old report.

“While it may not be obvious visually, the couple’s faces are moving closer and closer together at a speed of approximately 1.3 millimeters per year,” indicated researcher and former emo kid Dr. Julia Alexander. “This falls in line with our understanding of macro emo phenomena. But the observation stands in stark opposition to quantum emo studies, which attempts to explain the infinitesimally small length of time Reggie & the Full Effect’s James Dewees was a member of My Chem.”

Fans of My Chemical Romance relate to the intense patience and excruciating yearning exhibited by the two ponderous lovers.

“I totally understand their hesitation. When you’ve been imagining something like a kiss for so long, you shouldn’t rush into it. What if the reality is disappointing?” posited 38-year-old diehard MCR fan Lydia Patrick, who reportedly destroys no fewer than four pillows per year due to kissing practice. “One day, I will find my own blood-soaked lover into whose eyes I will gaze lovingly. And, after a few decades of straining my neck upwards, we will finally meet lips. And it will be electric. Now excuse me, I need to get back to outlining several Frank Iero/Sonic the Hedgehog crossover fanfic novels.”

Members of My Chemical Romance admit that they haven’t kept in touch with any of the subjects of their album artwork.

“I thought they would’ve been married, had kids, and gotten divorced by now, like the two from Cursive’s ‘Domestica,’” stated Gerard Way, founder of My Chemical Romance who was recently given an honorary key to the Hot Topic stockroom by the company’s CEO. “That reminds me, I’ve been meaning to text the drum major from the Black Parade album to see how his sobriety journey has been going. But don’t get me started on the spider from Danger Days—that motherfucker is a lunatic and still owes me $40.”

Experts predict that the next great natural emo event will occur in 2079, when climate change will force Rivers Cuomo to dry up into Creek Cuomo.