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Every Rocket From the Crypt Album Ranked Worst To Best

Despite what many of you may think, blink-182 is not the only band from San Diego, and while your favorite band and ours known as Rocket from the Crypt (RFTC if you’re nasty) didn’t infect the mainstream like the aforementioned pop-punk three-piece, they honestly should’ve. RFTC deserve lots of acclaim for their recorded and live musical contributions that just emanate sweat and grit. Today we rank their seven studio album catalog from worst to best, so get ready to scowl at our 100% SUBJECTIVE assessment! Fun fact: If you got an RFTC tattoo in the ‘90s, you were guaranteed free admission to their shows, but that time/deal is long gone.

7. Hot Charity (1995)

1995 was a bipolar year for Rocket from the Crypt with this middling record and the incredible “Scream, Dracula, Scream!” being released just one short year after the year punk broke into the mainstream. Unfortunately “Hot Charity” was an experiment gone meh, and we here firmly agree guilt-free with ourselves that it should’ve never been released to anyone but a dude at a carnival correctly guessing a morbidly obese stranger’s weight to the pound. If the bird could fly, and then heard this LP, he/she/it would likely lose its wings, fall to the earth, get eaten by a snake that is likely hot, and cause robots to inhabit the earth whilst bleeding.

Play it again: “My Arrow’s Aim”
Skip it: A bunch of it, sadly

6. Paint as a Fragrance (1991)

Easily the band’s best album cover, and we’re not taking any more questions on the shirtless matter, Rocket from the Crypt introduced itself to various listeners in audio form with their first LP “Paint as a Fragrance,” which is their only recording with their original lineup. RFTC made a good but not great album with this one but thankfully it set the stage for six others that, with the exception of the aforementioned “Hot Charity,” were fun, fulfilling, fantastic, and another positive adjective beginning with the letter “F.” Some of the tales are sloppy, but hey, that’s just rock and roll, and the band seemingly was more concerned with attitude than accuracy, so who could fault ‘em for that? Don’t answer that.

Play it again: “Maybelline”
Skip it: Slightly less than a bunch of it, sadly but less sadly

5. Live from Camp X-Ray (2002)

Rocket from the Crypt’s seventh and final album as of now was sort of doomed from the start because of its literal album title, which likely decreased its potential sales by a large margin as it wasn’t a concert performance CD, and live recordings not named “Live At Leeds” just don’t sell as well as full-length studio album efforts. We don’t make the rules, but maybe we should! Because it was not given a fair shake, we firmly believe that “Live from Camp X-Ray,” a radiation nurse’s wet dream soaked under a heavy blanket, is the band’s second most underrated effort, next to their sort of self-titled fifth LP. Sadly, the band split just three years after this LP came out, but happily they’re back!

Play it again: “I’m Not Invisible”
Skip it: “Too Many Balls”

4. Group Sounds (2001)

A cult favorite amongst Rocket from the Crypt super fans, “Group Sounds” is the band’s first LP after leaving major label Interscope Records, and their first of two for Vagrant Records, then home to Alkaline Trio and Joey Lawrence’s powerviolence project. The band proved said reverential status with a wicked amount of cred by playing this album in its entirety with a healthy amount of savoir faire at 2022’s Riot Fest in Chicago for fans and eventual new ones, but of course without eating hot dogs with ketchup on ‘em because that ish is illegal in The Windy City for some reason like it is for Father’s Office in LA on ANYTHING; elitism is a hell of a drug for white and black belts alike.

Play it again: “Carne Voodoo”
Skip it: “Dead Seeds”

3. Circa: Now! (1992)

This record truly, truly rips for both sturdy wrists and weak testicles alike, and is easily the band’s first truly solid effort front to back. We’ve never seen lambs for sale, just in shawarma form, so it’s good to know that Rocket from the Crypt always has farm animals in mind, just sans dicks on dogs a la the upcoming almost self-titled studio album. FYI: If you want to open your mouth larger than you possibly can in a WTF manner, google “LA riots” and “rocket from the crypt”; the tea here is over the rails.

Play it again: “Sturdy Wrist”
Skip it: “Little Arm”

2. RFTC (1998)

We’ve got our eyes on you: Easily their coolest album cover, Rocket from the Crypt’s fifth studio album “RFTC” is by far their most underrated, and if we’re being honest, which we always are unless we’re not, is one of the more underappreciated LPs of the late-90s. Baby, this section hasn’t even started: Let’s get busy revisiting this record which was made for you, your touch, the Roman Empire, and Roman Roy, despite the fact that he is an evil, trust fund miscreant who was rude to that little boy on the baseball field that they helicoptered to with their evil more cruel father and an intense and evil panic scam, Logan “I Never Smile Unless A Homeless Person Is Cold” Roy. Also, Tom Wambsgans, deserves constant constipation but we digress. At just under forty-two minutes “RFTC” never lets up, and that’s exactly how we like it.

Play it again: “I Know”
Skip it: “Let’s Get Busy”

1. Scream, Dracula, Scream! (1995)

1995 is an underrated year for rock and roll for your colon with the release of this record, “Scream, Dracula, Scream!,” Radiohead’s “The Bends,” The Presidents of the United States of America not named Joe Biden OR Donald Trump, and Raekwon of En Vogue’s “Only Built 4 Cuban Linx…”. The instrumentals on “On A Rope,” the band’s biggest hit by far, especially in the UK, that also proved that America is filled with dumbos for its lackluster performance here, are enough to make ANYONE dance and/or turn the volume up louder than anyone with heater hands can muster. Last fun fact that truly is such: This record was meant to be one track like The Who’s 1991 masterpiece “Abbey Road,” but like they always do because they are essentially in music because they are too dumb to be investment bankers, the label heads in suit city kiboshed that one.

Play it again: Even though it starts with “Middle,” which is an unintentional lie, get your day going there and don’t stop till it’s over
Skip it: The thought of skipping ANY song