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Every Drummer Confident Someone Else Will Bring Kit Tonight

EDMONTON, ALBERTA — Every drummer is completely certain that someone else will be providing the drum kit for tonight’s basement show. Despite a complete lack of communication on the matter between him and any of the four drummers scheduled to play tonight, Shawn Ruthless, the show’s promoter, confirmed, “It will get figured out.”

“I’ll just bring my cymbals and snare,” every single drummer said, in the exact same self-assured manner. The drummers, all displaying complete faith that someone else would be providing gear for them, continued, “Maybe my kick pedal, too.”

The reoccurring reasons given for the decision not to bring a complete drum kit by the members of the bands were that it’s “a pain in the ass” and “I’m sure someone else can lend us shells and shit.”

Fans of Grisly Dismemberment, the show’s headliner, are exhibiting similar levels of faith that someone will be a team player and bring a drum kit for everyone to use. “At the last Grisly Dismemberment show, all the drummers sat on a lawn chair because no one brought a throne,” Skunkboy, a longtime supporter of Grisly Dismemberment, said. “I’m sure they will bring a throne this time, though.”

“I forgot my throne in Buffalo when we played there on tour last month,” Noel McCoy, drummer of Grisly Dismemberment, told The Hard Times, “But I’m sure I can borrow Sammy’s.”

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Sammy Peters plays drums for local straight edge band The Great Xscape, who are close friends of Grisly Dismemberment and are the opening act for tonight’s gig. Upon finishing rehearsing earlier today, he was overheard asking his bandmates “I don’t need to bring my throne, right?” before leaving the throne behind and packing the rest of the band’s gear into a ’96 Honda Civic.

“These things always work themselves out, I’m not going to worry about it,” Ruthless, the man in charge of making sure the show goes smoothly, said. “Oh, shit, Kevin is texting me – Grisly D aren’t bringing cabinets. Are there cabs here?”

Article by Marc Finn and The Hard Times Staff.