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Christian Bale Packs 50 lbs of Bananas Up Ass to Star in GG Allin Biopic

HOLLYWOOD — Netflix began production last month on an original docudrama based on the life and antics of shock-rocker GG Allin that will star Oscar-winner Christian Bale, who has completely transformed himself for the role, according to several traumatized sources.

“To be honest, I had no idea who GG was when Netflix first approached me,” said Bale from the set of “Outlaw Scumfuc: the GG Allin Story.” “But when they listed off his exploits, I was like, ‘You had me at ‘Shit all over the place and throw up on anyone you can.’ I really relate to this guy.”

The notorious method actor reportedly packed on 50 pounds, mostly comprised of bananas wedged up his ass, in preparation for the role.

“There have been several documentaries about GG, but no one has had the courage or discipline to pull off a credible dramatic portrayal,” said director and long-time Bale collaborator David O. Russell. “Have you seen Christian in the Bruce Wayne films? He just disappears into that character — shit, I didn’t even realize he was Batman until he tells the commissioner guy at the end of the last one!”

Bale reportedly delivers another Oscar-worthy performance in the film’s scatalogical climax, according to crew members who detailed the horrific escalation of events.

“Before the director could say ‘action,’ Christian charged the stage, completely naked and covered in human shit,” recalled script supervisor Jen Stoltz. “Next thing you know, he’s throwing chairs at us, lighting his pubes on fire, biting the head off a bat and jerking off with its little wings. And then this crazy motherfucker starts going off-script!”

According to multiple witnesses, Bale has taken to the role so well that for the scene, he shot heroin into his penis until he blacked out. Furthering the actor’s legend, when he regained consciousness, he launched right into his first anal food scene, nailing the action in one take.

“The whole time, we’re wondering if this maniac is going to hit his mark and sink that sweet, potassium-rich torpedo in his cornhole,” said assistant fruit & vegetable wrangler Walt Grimes. “I mean, that’s kinda the reason we’re all here, right? Certainly why I’m here.”

The film is already being hailed as the “Can’t-Unsee” streaming event of the year. Additionally, an original series documenting the recovery of heroin-in-the-dick survivors has been approved by Netflix, with the role of Bale going to fan-favorite and ’90s punk icon Ben Affleck.

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