ORCHARD PARK, N.Y. — Local die-hard Casualties fan Jeremy Stillman was struck with what was described as “blood curdling terror” after waking up from a horrifying nightmare where he wasn’t constantly mentioning how punk he is every time he opened his mouth, spikey haired sources report.
“It was so fucking scary dude, and it just seemed so real. I mean, I actually didn’t fucking say anything at all for seven or eight straight minutes. I thought I was going to die,” Tillman explained, adding a short pause and blank stare. “Not one mention of punk, being punk, punx, skunx, or even spikey-haired drunk-punx! It was a grim reminder of what my life could be like as a total normie. But after that horrible nightmare, I realized it’s important to constantly talk about corporate greed, DIY ethics, non-conformity, selling out, consumerism, tattoos, and bands that I liked when I was 15. Just so people know.”
Stillman’s girlfriend Adrian Maidana was in bed at her partner’s side when the frightening moment occurred.
“Jeremy woke me up from a dead sleep yelling ‘I’m a punk! I’m a punk! Please, tell me I’m a punk,’” Maidana explained, adding she has a mirror to immediately flash in front of her boyfriend’s face for when these types of nightmares strike. “Whenever this happens, I have to remind him it was only a dream and point out his studded pajamas full of patches. Then it just takes another 20 minutes of reassurance of his punk aesthetic to get him out of it. Sometimes he just snaps out of it, but this time it really scared him. It’s like that time he had a nightmare that all of his teeth grew back.”
Street punk legend Darell “Sewer-Brewer” Alfonso explained the importance of wearing your interests on your sleeve.
“Oi! You just can’t just look punk, dress punk, and simply enjoy punk music,” Alfonso explained. “You gotta shove it in everyone’s faces. Punk is all about talking about yourself no matter the circumstance. For example: say you’re at a hot dog stand in New York City. The vendor will say ‘What’ll it be sir?’ Then you gotta talk about NYC underground punk culture in the ‘70s for several minutes even though you were born in 1997 in Tampa. It’s just how it goes.”
At press time, Stillman’s recent sleep study was interrupted with a horrifying nightmare where he was a state trooper.