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Bummer: Entire Show Cancelled After Door Guy Loses Marker

SEATTLE — A recent punk show at High Dive was canceled last-minute after door guy Morgan Dieter lost his one and only marker, sources confirmed.

“Without an inking implement, I am unable to do my job of making a little mark on everyone’s right hand so they can leave for a cigarette and come back,” said Dieter. “The only other writing tool we had at the venue was a No. 2 pencil. The last time I used one of those at the door, several attendees had to be rushed to the hospital due to severe blood loss. Turns out, you have to really jam a pencil into the flesh to get it to write an ‘X’ on a hand, and I’m told that graphite shouldn’t really be in your bloodstream. That’s why I make sure to never ever lose my trusty marker nowadays. Except for today. And last week. Also, five or six times last month. They really need to make bigger markers that are more difficult to lose. That would solve everything.”

Showgoers were noticeably upset at the cancelation but were understanding of the situation.

“There I was, standing in line, watching a grown man search every pocket and pat every area of his clothing, only to call off the show after searching for a mere two minutes,” said attendee Leigh Harrison. “I’m shocked they couldn’t just run out to Target to buy a new one. I heard that it wasn’t in the venue’s budget though, so they had to cancel the whole show. I completely understand. I don’t even know how much a marker costs. Like 100 bucks, right? That would financially ruin anyone.”

Experts claim they have seen similar instances at live music events.

“If just one element of a show is missing, the entire operation needs to be shut down,” said music critic Wes Thompkins. “One venue had to cancel a show because they forgot to order bright green wristbands. Another had to prematurely end a 21+ concert because one person had an out-of-state license and the door guy said checking those was not in the job description, so he quit right then and there. And more recently, a venue forgot to actually book the band that they advertised to play that night. It’s these little things that can close down an entire show.”

At press time, Dieter had found the marker the next day, but the venue had to cancel the show yet again because it unexpectedly ran out of ink.