SPARKS, Nev. — Members of longtime garage-punk outfit The Gargantuans, known for switching instruments between songs, ruined a show by all landing on the same bass at the same time, a gawking gaggle of looky-loos confirmed.
“I guess we all must have looked at the setlist wrong, because once our opening song ended, we all took a wrong turn and ended up behind the bass. Now we’re in a big mangled mess under the same strap. It’s like, what’s the point of even going over the hand turn-signals at practice if we’re not going to use them in a potential collision like this?” asked Gargantuans member Trig Lippley while continually shoving another member’s elbow out of his mouth. “Hell, everyone laughed at me when I voted for us all to wear horns attached to our clothes to honk in case of emergencies like this one, but I’m looking pretty smart now. Plus, I’ve always believed that a good handful of our songs could use a good ‘ah-ooh-gah’ every now and then, anyhow. It’d be a win-win!”
Onlookers in the crowd couldn’t help but rubberneck towards the accident.
“It was actually pretty inspiring to see them all eventually come to terms with their mistake, and put aside their egos to make the situation work as a cohesive unit. One guy handled the frets, another plucked the strings,” mused newly minted Gargantuans fan Hedy Freidl. “And, as if by magic, the other two respectively took over the dazed look of a perpetually lost dullard and valid feeling of extreme imposter syndrome that every full-time bassist needs. They all knew their stuff, and used it to Frankenstein together the ultra-bassist.”
The venue traffic cop, Sargent Murray Hankland, decided to resign after failing to arrive at the scene in a timely manner.
“I’ve been the stage traffic official here at the Loving Cup for twelve years, and I can’t believe I was so asleep at the wheel, so to speak, for this infraction. This is the type of thing we venue traffic cops, which I feel I must mention is an actual job at all music venues, have nightmares about,” griped Hankland while handing in his gun and badge to an overwhelmingly confused bartender. “If only I hadn’t been too busy busting that tall guy in the audience for their illegal merge in front of a 4′ 11″ woman in the crowd, I could have prevented this whole thing. Well, I guess it’s back to the actual highway for me. ”
At press time, the mishap culminated in all four Gargantuans members reaching down to sip from the same beer and clonking their heads together with a humorous coconut-like sound.
Photo by Magna Vita.