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Band That Reportedly Doesn’t Care or Want to Fit Into a Genre Sounds Exactly Like Coldplay

NEW YORK — Following reports that local rock band Melted Miasma doesn’t care about adhering to a specific genre and has never attempted to do so, attendees of a recent performance confirmed that they sound exactly like Coldplay.

“It boils down to this: you can’t be a trailblazer if you play by someone else’s rules,” said lead singer Katie Mansfield. “We’re not just going to take marching orders from some genre. Hell, we don’t even ‘get inspired’ by other music. This is our music and it should sound like us. So instead of doing what someone else tells us to do, we just play music that makes us feel good. Which happens to be generally pleasant rock music that doesn’t stray too far from established norms.”

According to fans of Melted Miasma, the tactic has worked so far.

“Everything about the band is just amazing,” said self-described “Miasmaniac” Tony Hucknall. “The lyrics just really speak to me. I can’t remember any off the top of my head, but the riffs are incredible too. There’s this one that goes like–well, it sort of just goes really hard. I’m not explaining this well. The drum parts are probably pretty good. Wait, do they have a drummer? Oh I know, they have that one song that goes ‘Radioactive! Radioactive! Woah-oh-oh-oh!’ Ah hell, that’s someone else entirely.”

However, some critics have questioned the band’s claims of originality.

“It’s clear that they are just directly ripping us off and if this continues, we’re going to sue,” said Chris Martin, lead singer of the band Coldplay. “They might think they’re onto something new, but we were the ones who broke the goddamn mold. We fucking redefined rock music by making rock music that sounded exactly like the generic ideal of rock music, instead of sounding like rock music with a few unique and identifiable details like a bunch of nerds who spend all day sucking their own dicks. That’s what makes Coldplay Coldplay. And those dipshits can fuck right off a cliff if they think they can step it to us.”

Despite these allegations, Melted Miasma already has plans to expand on their genre-defying approach to music by adding synths to the introduction of a yet-to-be written song.