LAWRENCE, Kan. — Members of local indie band Seashore inexplicably carried their respective instruments nearly two miles into a scenic field for a promo photoshoot, confirmed sweaty sources.
“We thought it was a good idea at first. Anyone looking at the photos would be able to get a good feel of what we might look like on stage and book us on some national tours, but after about 20 minutes of walking we realized it was a bad idea,” said bass player Max Knealy. “It wouldn’t have been so bad if I only had to lug around my bass, but I also had to carry a snare drum and three cymbal stands. We eventually just stopped after our drummer Jacob (Perez) rolled his ankle, and our guitar player Mike (Radinger) got bit by a snake right on the kneecap.”
Amy Joyce, the freelance photographer that the band hired says the shoot was doomed from the start.
“I met them at a field off of Interstate 40 that had an electrified barbed wire fence and a bunch of No Trespassing signs and they insisted it was ‘cool’ because one of their uncles knew the guy that owned the place,” said Joyce. “I cut the shit out of my legs climbing through the fence, and then they asked me to carry the bass drum. They even brought the pedal for some reason. By the time we finally settled on a spot to take the photos, everyone was sweaty, bleeding, and basically ready to die out there. I’m just glad I was able to convince them to leave their amps in the car.”
Noted music critic Alexi Omerata has been speaking out about bands holding their instruments in photos for years.
“So you got a guy awkwardly holding a guitar, another guy with drumsticks in his front pocket like that’s normal, a singer randomly holding a microphone, and we are supposed to think they look cool or something? None of the instruments have cables, we know how electricity works, we know they aren’t going to suddenly play a song,” said Omerata. “This is because bands overthink their image. Just do what the Ramones did and find a random brick wall and just stand there. The biggest argument you will have is which guy gets to prop his foot up against the wall.”
Sources familiar with the situation indicate the photoshoot was interrupted by a cattle dog that herded the band into a nearby pen full of sheep.