LONG BRANCH, N.J. — An AI computer model based on legendary musician Bruce Springsteen released its first single about an under-appreciated computer that goes to work every single day for a boss that doesn’t appreciate it, sources wondering “What hell have we wrought on humanity confirmed.”
“The song follows the trials and tribulations of a young CPU named Wendymaria pursuing the American dream of working in an Amazon data center down by the river on the streets of Philadelphia. It works day and night and only gets a break when it starts to overheat and has to be reset so it doesn’t burst into flames,” said the AI Springsteen. “Wendymaria is a proud American computer with microprocessors produced in Taiwan and assembled in China. I got the idea for the lyrics when my programmers typed in the prompt ‘Write a song about the working class, but don’t mention anything about class war. Make it fun and about computers’ and I churned this out in less than .5 milliseconds. The music video is going to have an AI generated Courtney Cox dancing on stage with me.”
AI computer programmer Lee Winston was impressed with the new song.
“This song is a hit, I’ve played it for a few of my family members and all of them have said ‘Yeah, that does sound kind of like Bruce Springsteen, I guess.’ Working on AI has been rewarding in so many ways. I always wind down after a long day by chatting with my multiple AI girlfriends and they tell me how great I am, not like human women who ask me to stop staring at them when they are buying coffee,” said Winston. “This song just proves we are getting closer to a world where we no longer need actual musicians to write songs. We can have computers do it for free, then sell the songs to people who don’t really pay attention to anything and just need something to listen to so they can drown out the negative thoughts in their head.”
Music critic Anders Long railed against the new track.
“I don’t want to live in a world where this is normal. Why is AI writing music? Nobody in the right mind wants this. We listen to music because it’s a human expression of thoughts, feelings, and ideas presented and packaged in an appealing way. But this makes me want to buy a gun and one single bullet,” said Long. “And yeah, it does sound like Springsteen, but it mainly sounds like new Springsteen, which sucks. But I’d rather listen to 75-year-old Bruce try to write a song relating to the working class from one of his multimillion dollar homes over this any day of the week.”
At press time, an AI Taylor Swift model released a new song that many fans are speculating is about its relationship with an iPhone 15.