New Mexico: Cranberry Crank
A festive holiday spin on a classic bathtub amphetamine. Do not get the store-bought crap, this is best when it’s homemade by someone who hasn’t slept in 72 hours because they’ve just been digging a hole.
New York: A Porno Theater
The Deuce was littered with them until this Thanksgiving tradition took hold in the late ’80s.
North Carolina: Tobacco
They’re the country’s top producer of tobacco and sweet potatoes. You would think they would go with sweet potatoes but nope.
North Dakota: South Dakota
There can be only one. Every year it’s a bloodbath.
Ohio: The Competition
Go Buckeyes! (This is a paid advertisement)
Oklahoma: Deep Fried Bull Testicles
These aren’t all jokes. If you have always wanted to try some testicle just pop into any home in Oklahoma on Thanksgiving, they will give you two handfuls.
Oregon: Recently Deceased Caravan Member
They died of dysentery. It makes you wonder if dysentery is contagious, then you ponder the morality of consuming one of your travel companions.
Pennsylvania: Weakest Family Member
Pennsylvanian family dynamics are extremely cutthroat, and on Thanksgiving, literally so. Make sure you can do at least 50 chin ups before you show up to dinner.
Rhode Island: Whatever The Harbor Masters Got Cookin’
Smells like a chowder!
South Carolina: Q Drops
Compliment that bird with a nice heaping side of THE TRUTH!