So you’ve joined a band. With every new band comes the inevitable responsibilities, obligations, and time spent practicing. Regardless of the frequency of your meeting, there will always be days when you wanna bail out. Here are the top 10 excuses to cancel band practice.
Honestly We’re Pretty Solid and Don’t Need To.
Hey, you guys know the songs, right? Practice is for people who don’t know the songs so it wouldn’t make sense to waste anyone’s time getting together more frequently than needed. This band practice cancellation technique has been used for generations.
Bass Player Got Too High
We all know most bass players have to get super high to practice for whatever reason. They walk a gentle threshold between self-medicating and falling into a couch-locked coma. Best to call it before he snaps back to it and eats an entire box of expired little Debbie cakes in the band room.
I Don’t Feel Like It
Trust us, no one else does either. This is a highly accessible way to cancel band practice at any given time, but especially last minute. Go ahead, text the band. The group chat is probably playing chicken on who calls it first.
Meeting at Texas Roadhouse with Financial Advisement Team aka Mom and Dad
The longevity of the band relies heavily on angel investors, aka whoever has parents with fat pockets. Believe me, Tom DeLonge and Mark Hoppus put in plenty of hours in meetings at the Longhorn and Chili’s before Blink 182 found their success. Time to knock back a few appetizer sampler platters for the good of the band.
I Have Band Practice with My Other Band
Works every time. No one wants to be the weenie that suggests putting together a band calendar or something reasonable like setting aside a dedicated day each week to practice. This is rock n roll, baby. It’s especially effective if you’re the only drummer in your local scene.
Baby Ducks were Blocking the Road
Dang, not again! Unless you’re Tony Soprano, what do they expect you to do? It’s best you let nature take its course. Depending on the time of year, this could be a persistent band practice roadblock for months!
I Forgot it Was My Grandma’s Birthday
We’ve all been there. It’s time to hop on down to the Piccadilly’s cafeteria for your yearly Salisbury steak and onions with nan. She’ll be so excited to see you and hear all about your little band that you will hardly even mind the crippling abdominal cramps that come along with upscale cafeteria-style dining.
Guitarist Has Been Temporarily Blinded by a Broken High E String
This will happen to every string musician a minimum of six times in their life. It’s why most guitarists wear eye patches by the age of 50. Don’t believe us? What about the late Ray Sawyer of Dr. Hook & The Medicine Show? That eyeball was taken out by a low E.
Too Sober
Are you saying a bunch of grown people are going to share their vulnerabilities through artistic performance without knocking back a few brewsks? Yikes. Seems like it would be awkward and boring and definitely worth canceling. It’s not in your head, those leads absolutely rip when you’re a little buzzed.
TOO DRUNK
Like a too-high bass player, you gotta play these cards right or Joe’s spilling a beer on the half stack again and Amber is barfing in the kick drum. Get it together guys!