It’s an everyday dilemma: you have access to so many portals beyond our realm, but have no one to share it with. It’s a beautiful day to steal liquid LSD from your roommate while neglecting your own meds and basic needs. Let’s head on over to the library and whisper Björk lyrics to strangers! This is an ensured way to find a magical gate out of this reality’s dreadful timeline.
You enter through the side entrance quickly, with headphones on. Being discreet is recommended since you’ve been kicked out of the library many times. Ignore any security guards as you skip along. No time to stop and hear them, you’re too busy listening to Björk!
Hiss a few of these lyrics as you walk past the information booth. Environmentalism has always been important to Björk, and it’s a significant cause for you as well. This is why you’ve left a trail of soil from the flowers in your hand, plucked from the planters out front.
You’re officially inside the library when you realize how strong this LSD is. Your hands. Your beautiful, detailed hands. Just look at them! Try to walk how a human walks. Stop giggling. You begin imitating other people that you see. Try to walk without drawing attention to yourself. Throwing books to the floor and giving strangers the middle finger won’t help.
“I See Who You Are”
Saying these lyrics to anyone in any circumstance is pretty creepy, let alone here in the Biography section on a sunny afternoon to a scared family. The confused mother edges away from you as you continue repeating “I see you who you are” into your sleeve. That’s where your secrets are kept!
A push notification comes through on your phone. You missed another job interview. Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out eventually! Keep on borrowing from friends and family while you spend your time whispering Björk’s poetry to strangers in public spaces. That guy in the stairwell had no idea what you meant by “You can’t say no to hope, can’t say no to happiness,” but just keep dancing along and ignore anyone staring!
It’s all completely clear now: the way to access a reality beyond our own is in the library janitor’s closet. How obvious. You just need to find an accomplice on this mission! You head to the computer station to find an unwilling partner. It’s best to walk around with sunglasses on and a hooded sweatshirt pulled up, just so people know you’re sent undercover from cosmic powers beyond our understanding.
Go up to the first person you vibe with at the computer station, sit next to them, and offer them the soil you’ve been hiding in your pockets. They’ll love your kind offer. This is actually the best way to open up the magical realm to an Icelandic wonderland. Remember that the magic only works with tears, so tell sad stories from childhood and cry into your dirty fists. You’ll have a new lifelong friend in no time.
“Sun in My Mouth”
At this point, you should be opening your mouth and staring at everyone in the computer station. Let them see how much of the sun you can fit inside! Growl, if you have to. This is a long-standing Icelandic tradition, you tell yourself. Maybe you invented this tactic at home. It doesn’t matter, you’re already here so might as well commit.
“It’s Oh So Quiet”
You are promptly shushed by all around you. Of course, this is a library after all. Sullen, you sink into a computer chair and try an expired library card to log on. You turn to the person next to you, an elderly man trying to access his insurance info since they’ve gone paperless, but all you do is sing “It’s Oh So Quiet” to him in a harsh raspy voice. He quickly leaves, imagining this is some sort of solicitation.
“All Is Full of Love”
Remember that music video with the robots making love? You try to create that with the computer in front of you. An alarmed member of the library staff pulls you off the machine, while also recognizing that you’re not allowed here. You’ve been banned from this library computer station before for inappropriate searches, but you run away in a sloppy, frenetic escape.
You are the only one who knows the grand secret of the library: those isolated study rooms are gates to other dimensions, ruled by Icelandic mythology where you are no longer severely in debt and actually have sustainable friendships. You quickly usher out the college students studying inside, then quickly hide beneath a desk and gaze at a spider as library staff runs around searching for you.
“History of Touches”
This is a familiar space. You feel safe here. You’ve taken plenty of books, both officially loaned from the library but also stolen in your overcoat. Feel free to get very close to strangers, perhaps whispering directly in their ears, “I wake you up in the middle of the night to express my love for you.” Then run away and hide as books fall out of your clothes.
“I’ve Seen It All”
Run to the second story windows and press your naked body against the glass. Feel the sunlight. If anyone questions you, speak aloud these lyrics from the ‘Dancer in the Dark’ soundtrack. Point them to the library DVD rental section before inviting them on an enchanted journey through a magical distant world. And don’t forget: always smile!
You look around you, realizing that time is running short for you to enter the portal to magical netherworlds. The spaceship Earth is moving too fast. Of course: everyone around you is an alien. You try to imagine this world as a Martian, hearing alien tongues clack at you as you twist on the carpeted floor. This security guard calling the cops is definitely some kind of alien. Assure the guard, “I have guided my bones through some voltage and love them still.” He’ll know what you mean.
“It’s Not Up To You”
Security begins ushering you out, as you continue to screech Björk lyrics to anyone within earshot. You cling onto one of those tiny sorting carts with wheels, completely useless as you are dragged to the front lobby. If you sneeze in the security guard’s face, that should be enough distraction for you to make a getaway into the study area. Hurry! Time is running out to leave this Earthly dimension!
Now you’re running though the halls, librarians and security on your heels. Share your love of the 1995 album ‘Post’ by muttering these lyrics to everyone in the Young Adult section. Gen X parents will appreciate you exposing their kids to such a cultural experience as you hide in the aisles. Children love these lyrics, especially when you quietly sing to them through the shelves, “I imagine what my body would sound like slamming against those rocks.”
“Where Is The Line”
You wonder to yourself “Where is the line?” as you jet over library shelves, considering hiding in air ducts. You scurry to the romance section, everyone there completely disinterested in assisting you on your quest for a magical realm of Icelandic beauty, a portal surely hiding in the bricks of this library. If there is a “line,” you’ve crossed it and it’s too far to turn back now. Commit to the bit.
Sure, it’s technically Björk’s old band The Sugarcubes, but you use these lyrics to remind everyone that it’s actually your birthday. All the more reason for everyone to help you! Ignore the police entering the building as you stack wooden chairs and bean bags. Sing to the responding officers, you’re certain they’re fans of the 1980s Reykjavík alt-rock scene.
As police tackle you to the ground, you begin to sing this song to all around you. Ask the officers, “Who is open-chested and who is coagulated?” When they ask for your name, occupation or address, solemnly reply “Stonemilker” to every question. You left your ID at home but don’t worry: there is a centipede in your shirt pocket that will vouch for you.
They can throw you out today, but you’ll be back. Even though the LSD is wearing off, you know with dead certainty that there’s a magical gate inside of that library. You quietly make your weekend plans to mumble at people in the library parking lot, spreading the good word of Björk. One day, the world will understand.