29. Weyoun
There are hundreds of thousands of Weyouns out there, all of whom are genetically loyal to the Founders of the Dominion. The only way a Weyoun would ever get drunk is if one of those gel-like bastards ordered him to, and even then, he’d do it with such servility, it would be kind of sad. Of course, weddings are just kind of sad, period.
28. Gul Dukat
Gul Dukat is kind of a failure. We know that will be controversial for a lot of Trekkies, but this guy couldn’t even manage to be a good bureaucrat, let alone a spiritual bearer of the dark energies of the Pah Wraiths. Anyway, he would have a few beers and leave, plus probably steal a present off the table, too.
27. Nurse Christine Chapel
Nurse Chapel is constantly horny for an unattainable guy like Spock, which could kind of imply that she would get wrecked and hook up with someone at a wedding. However, she’s a medical professional, and someone has to look after the Romulans who get alcohol poisoning just because they can’t stop doing shots. Seriously, those Romulans have a problem.
26. Zefram Cochran
The inventor of warp drive lived in a period of history in which everybody needed a stiff drink, and Earth was a terrible place of violence and ecological devastation. That time period is the early 21st century. No other joke here, he’s just permanently in that state of a hangover that’s still kind of drunk, and a wedding is no exception.
25. Seven of Nine
Seven of Nine lost all of her teenage years to the Borg, which means that she probably does want to get ripped at the celebration of the love of whoever manages to settle for someone else on Voyager. However, she’s both too disciplined and full of Borg machinery to ever really get all that dowsed, so, sorry, girl.
24. Julian Bashir
We would say that this dork would be crawling on the floor, out of his mind on tequila training wheels, by the time the bride’s first dance was over, but he’s also been genetically engineered to be stronger, faster, and smarter (but not taller) than normal humans. Unfortunately, that means he probably physically can’t get drunk without an IV drip.
23. Kira Nerys
By any reasonable definition of the word, Major Kira is a terrorist, which means she has seen and done things that she will never be able to forget. By that same measure, she’s probably drunk her share of weird Bajoran toilet wine and held her own against occupying aliens, so she’ll probably be good with watered-down bourbon at a Ramada Inn conference room reception.
22. Martok
Martok is a career soldier in the Klingon Empire and is weighed down with the burden of many responsibilities and the trauma of being tortured in a prison camp for years. All of those things mean that it’s probably going to be really, really hard to get him drunk, even if he drinks every bottle of firewine in the place.
21. Geordi La Forge
Much like his best friend, Data, Geordi is a nerd. However, he’s also internally seething from a career of being overlooked and never, ever having a romantic interest. Sadly, he probably doesn’t have much tolerance for booze, and he’ll be sleepy and want to go home after his second light beer.