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Put On Your Denim Vest and White High Tops Then Tell Your Parole Officer You’re Going to be Late Because We Ranked the 50 Best ‘80s Thrash Metal Songs

In the years prior to 1983 (give or take), many fans of hard rock and heavy metal were trapped with the ultimate crisis: the need for a genre of music that combined the edge and crushing riffs of the NWOBHM movement, Judas Priest and Motorhead, and the ferocity and attitude that comes with punk/hardcore music. Heshers all over the world were chomping at the bit for the heaviest bands, then bands heavier than that, then heavier than even that etc.

Without a doubt this was the biggest crisis the world faced during the 1980s, the solution came along in the early part of the decade, and heavy music was never the same. I’m talking about the birth of blistering, neck-breaking, beer swilling, cut-off-the-sleeves-of-every-piece-of-clothing -I-own thrash metal.

Call it thrash, call it speed, call it whatever you please. No matter what you call it, we can agree that it was the opposition to all those lame glam bands of the era that were tarnishing the name of metal, so therefore a list of the best thrash songs of the decade is in store.

Note: This list may cause neck injury, bangovers, and the defacing of thrift store denim jackets.

50. Znöwhite “Baptized by Fire”

We start this list off with Chicago thrash legends Znöwhite. Yeah, the album cover to “Act of God” is atrocious, but if the phrase “don’t judge an album by how fucking dumb it’s cover is” was ever true, it’s with this one.

49. Demolition Hammer “Infectious Hospital Waste”

A metal song about gross hospital garbage floating in the sea. Sounds pretty fucking heavy, right?

48. Toxik “Social Overload”

Toxik are one of those thrash bands from this era that aren’t known very well, but pretty much check all the boxes. Socially conscious lyrics? Check. Roadrunner/Roadracer records? Check. Ed Repka cover art? Check. Check them out.

47. Evildead “Annihilation of Civilization”

Oh look, more Ed Repka art! Named after the classic film “The Evil Dead,” Evildead are a classic band in their own right, but not quite on the same level as the film. Basically what I’m saying is: this album could use more chainsaws, but still worthy of this last overall.

46. Opprobrium (Incubus) “Voices From the Grave”

Before they changed their name, Opprobrium went by the name of Incubus. Imagine looking for a copy of “Serpent Temptation” in a record shop and only seeing copies of “Make Yourself.” The world can be so cruel.

45. Artillery “The Almighty”

Giant bombs + lightning fast riffs + cartoon guy holding a big ass gun on the cover = Danish thrash metal perfection!

44. Vectom “Too Fast for Hell”

Anyone can be “Too Fast for Love,” but only Vectom can be “Too Fast for Hell.” Is there a speed limit in hell? Are there “Slow Demons at Play” road signs? Who knows….

43. Nasty Savage “Metal Knights”

Nasty Savage are one of those bands who gets lumped in with the thrash genre, but one could certainly argue against it. But one thing everyone can agree on is this: smashing a TV over your head on stage is about as metal as it gets.

42. Onslaught “Thrash Till the Death”

Onslaught are one of the few thrash bands to emerge out of Britain and one of the many bands to have a song based on thrashing yourself to death. It’s almost like thrash bands of the ‘80s were trying to convince their fans to kill themselves with their preferred music choice. What a concept!

41. Death Angel “Evil Priest”

With their drummer only being 14, and the rest of the band all being 20 years old at the time, “The Ultra-Violence” is basically Kidz Bop goes metal before Kidz Bop was a thing.

40. Forbidden “Step by Step”

Okay, so this one is technically 1990, but it has ‘80s thrash written all over it and technically it’s the 10th year of the ‘80s because we didn’t start counting at 0. Plus it’s entitled “Step by Step” and contains no Patrick Duffy, so that’s another plus.

39. Anthrax “Metal Thrashing Mad”

This song was released when Anthrax didn’t look so happy when they played. But surely they became more respectable as time went on…..NOT.

38. Tankard “(Empty) Tankard”

Oh no! Tankard’s tankard is empty! Germans love their thrash just as much as their beer, and Tankard does a fine job of combining the two. A total anthem for any metalhead who has had to scrub crusted vomit off their denim vest from the night before.

37. Whiplash “Power Thrashing Death”

Another vicious thrash assault released on Roadrunner Records. If your brain doesn’t feel like the bean-headed guy in the robot’s grip on the cover after listening to this song, then you’re doing it wrong.

36. Dark Angel “Hunger of the Undead”

Dark Angel are the very definition of how vicious thrash metal could get. That viciousness is pretty much summed up in this one song, and you can almost feel yourself being ripped apart by the undead as you listen to it. Ouch.

35. Sacrifice “Burned at the Stake”

Who said all Canadians were nice? Maybe the members of Sacrifice are, I’ve never met them. But this song, or the whole album for that matter, certainly is not “nice.” It’s one of the more stripped-down, vicious thrash metal albums of the ‘80s.

34. Coroner “Masked Jackal”

Coroner is a technical thrash band that doesn’t get too techy to the point of being boring. There are a few bands I can think of that missed this list that fall under that category, but this is a list of best thrash metal songs, and metal fans have always been respectful to bands they don’t like.

33. Bulldozer “Cut Throat”

Italian speed metal at its absolute finest. The singer looks a bit like a “Flash Gordon” villain, but that doesn’t take much away from the greatness of this song or record. Perhaps it enhances the greatness, even.

32. Sacred Reich “Surf Nicaragua”

Sacred Reich are a bit hit-or-miss really, but they do have the title of being the only thrash metal band to be featured on the “Encino Man” soundtrack. And that’s something every band should aspire to.

31. Warrant “The Enforcer”

More German speed! Yes, the German Warrant, not that other band with the same name. Come to think of it, that happens a lot in metal, huh? Anyways, blast this, stay clear of that.

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