Des Moines, Iowa’s Slipknot has been rocking venues tattered and torn since 1995, and you gruff punk mockers need to stop acting like you are above pinch harmonics, frenetic percussion, metal bands in costumes, and pools of stinky sweat. Spoiler alert: You’re not, and we know your kind. Anyway, Slipknot has seven studio albums and we are ranking them in perfect order from worst to best. Thus, no EPs, live albums, compilations or demo albums (“Mate. Feed. Kill. Repeat.” we’re looking at you) are listed. You can take this up with Wikipedia and/or Ross Robinson if you disagree with a literal fact.
7. All Hope Is Gone (2008)
We heard that Juggalos are deceptively nice, but we know that Slipknot has influenced more bands than said ICP fans can count. One album legally had to be ranked last, and this 2008 Slipknot LP had to take the cold black cupcake. Still, even a “bad” Slipknot LP is good sans quotes, and “All Hope Is Gone,” despite being a disjointed listen with more figurative misses than literal hits contains one of their most beloved singles, “Psychosocial.” If you don’t know what psychosocial means, read on: According to Wikipedia, the gospel of truth, the psychosocial approach looks at individuals in the context of the combined influence that psychological factors and the surrounding social environment have on their physical and mental wellness and their ability to function. Say that three times fast; Slipknot = smart.
Play it again: “Psychosocial”
Skip it: “Wherein Lies Continue”
6. The End, So Far (2022)
At first glance, “The End, So Far” reads like it is going to be a combination of a farewell/hiatus/cash grab LP and a greatest hits/rarities/B-sides album. Once one views the actual track listing, the fact that the band ended the twelve-track record and their shortest LP altogether with a song “Finale” may confirm the initial first half of our posit but cancels out the second half. Still, regardless of what’s next for the band 2023-beyond, this acidic release is ambitious with a capital “A” for Adderall, but isn’t as memorable as the following five for fighting. We hear that “The End, So Far” is the band’s last for Roadrunner, but something tells us that Wile E. Coyote may have something else up his sleeve.
Play it again: “Yen”
Skip it: “Acidic”
5. .5: The Gray Chapter (2014)
Self-awareness alert: Album number five for the band is listed at number five here. Whoa. Hot take alert: If entries #7 or #6 contained the band’s best single of their career (this album’s “The Devil in I”) then our ranking list would’ve been different, and that’s NOT us being sarcastic. Yep. Furthermore, the gap between “.5: The Gray Chapter” and its predecessor “All Hope Is Gone” is the band’s longest between releases, and said delay was for the best, as heard in the songs here. However, we will likely be a devil to all of you skeptics and negative ones with this far-too-high or way-too-low ranking, as even if we listed these seven disasterpieces in the order that you agreed with, you’d still try to override and bitch, bitch, bitch. Tell us we’re wrong, but that will prove us right.
Play it again: “The Devil in I”
Skip it: “Be Prepared for Hell”
4. We Are Not Your Kind (2019)
Despite being the only Slipknot release to come out during the critical darling/cum dump/surprising-also-not-surpising-hero-to-Christians/former game show host known as Donald Trump’s first and hopefully only presidential term, 2019’s “We Are Not Your Kind” is the band’s best album to come out after 2004, and truly deserves more praise as an entity. We know that old-school phonies who claim to be Slipknot heads will likely scoff at this modern record’s high placement because what is new always sucks. Always.
Play it again: “Nero Forte”
Skip it: “Insert Coin”; the album should’ve started with “Unsainted” and you know we’re right unless you don’t
3. Vol. 3: (The Subliminal Verses) (2004)
Welcome: The famous or infamous trilogy starts now, and we’re kicking it off with its end, the bronze-medalist known as Slipknot’s monster LP “Vol. 3: (The Subliminal Verses). Self-awareness alert part deux: Album number three for the band is listed at number three here. Valid. Whoa and hot take alert part deux: Albums 3-1 have NO “skip it” section. Nil. Before we get into the specifics of “Vol. 3: (The Subliminal Verses), we’d like to remark that we’re still unsure why the “subliminal verses” verbiage in the (actual) album title is in parentheses. Anyway, the legendary Rick Rubin produced this specific Slipknot record, and his epic beard shows such brilliance in the songs! So, so good and so, so brutal. We’re likely going to shock/disappoint/cause a double take next, but that’s just par for the course.
Play it again: “Duality”
Skip it: This was already discussed
2. Self-Titled (1999)
The whole thing WE think is sick, the whole thing WE think is sick: We’ve been not-so-casually waiting to perish by bleeding out for this specific placement since the start of this article since none of you Slipknot-obsessed readers reading this surprisingly/unsurprisingly readable piece has a life. Still, this record is one of the finest metal/metal-adjacent. Slipknot stormed the gates of the aggressive music community with their self-titled debut LP in 1999 and twenty-four years later is still rocking your faces and masks off. All nine members of the band infected your ears from this album’s beginning at second one to the ending at sixty minutes and fifteen seconds, and it still holds up today. Wear your t-shirts with pride and get ready to scream “Are you reeeeeady” like the band’s peers in Trust Company.
Play it again: (sic)
Skip it: No thank you
1. Iowa (2001)
Last hot take here as there is no room for any more plague-inducing scorchers that will forever cause us to be hated: “Iowa,” as an album title but not as a state, should get slightly more love than “Slipknot,” as an album title but not as the band itself. That was truly a mouthful, but speaking of that region, we don’t envy Corey Taylor’s throat after recording this guttural, guttural studio album. Since 2001, the vocalist for Stone Sour’s voice has never sounded the same, and while we rightfully praise his pain and effort, we can’t legally vouch for others trying to do the same to their respective voices: Sing gently, singers, as everything ends. In closing, “Iowa” is the polar opposite of a sophomore slump and deserves a revisit twenty-two years later.
Play it again: The whole thing front-to-back or Clown will beat you senseless and eat you in front of your family
Skip it: Do not