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Every Earth Crisis Album Ranked Worst To Best

Street by street, block by block, for over thirty years Earth Crisis have sent wave after wave of crushing militant anthems dealing with animal rights and a drug-free lifestyle to the world. Though certainly not the first to do it they may be the most controversial. Never forget the fur coat, yogurt-throwing incident that occurred at a show of theirs in 1996 (Click here if you don’t know what happened when you have some free time but only after you read this ranking.)

Well, we chugged a gallon of oat milk, donned some XL basketball jerseys and tightly tied bandanas to our heads (because it looks badass and definitely not because we’re losing our hair) and ranked their entire catalog while carefully making an arsenal of Molotov cocktails. The only kind of cocktails we make.

8. Slither (2000)

Do you guys remember that Earth Crisis put out a nu-metal album? I sure didn’t. Or if I did know it at one point I forcibly repressed it from my mind. Ok, picture this: it’s the year 2000 and you are a hardcore band that has reached the height of its popularity and you want to take your drug-free animal rights message to the masses – what do you do? If you said “tune down your guitars like Korn so it sounds like the strings are falling off and do some awkward white guy rapping” you are correct! Maybe it was the fact they didn’t go full Adidas tracksuit but not even current-day Limp Bizkit apologists will acknowledge this one.

Play it again: “Killing Brain Cells”
Skip it: Remembering this whole terrible era of crazy-faced music

7. Last Of The Sane (2001)

I’ve never really understood the point of cover albums. Yes, sometimes a good cover can be fun when you play it live but to record your own lesser version of someone else’s song and release it as your own just feels like a waste of everyone’s time. (Quicksand doing “How Soon Is Now?” might be the only exception to the rule.) Here the vegan merauders from Syracuse cover The Misfits, Rolling Stones, Black Sabbath, etc., and vocalist Karl Buechner even… hoo boy… sings. The only saving grace to this whole cringefest is that it includes their older song “The Order” which is THE GREATEST FUCKING SONG EVER.

Play it again: “The Order” on repeat forever
Skip it: Recording a cover song (Again, unless you’re Quicksand)

6. Breed The Killers (1998)

By 1998 they were five years in of pretty much non-stop touring and it shows in this mostly phoned-in album. Buechner’s vocals sound strained with irritated vocal chords and I think he might need to take Luden’s couch drop. But not the honey lemon ones because they are not vegan. They re-recorded “Ecocide” which was on their first 7” and it sounds like you are playing it on the wrong speed. To be fair this was long enough ago that if you were vegan you might not have known you need to take a b-12 supplement which might explain their lethargy on this record. I know I basically slept through this whole year. What’s that? Why yes I am vegan, thank you for asking. Can you BELIEVE I made it this far into this article without mentioning it?

Play it again: “Ecocide” but sped up
Skip it: Not mentioning you are vegan as soon as you possibly can. I did mention I was vegan by the way, right?

5. Salvation Of The Innocents (2014)

Any remnants of hardcore are gone on this one and they’re completely just a metal band now (just look at the spooky cover art!) Don’t get me wrong, metal is great. But show me someone who is willing to sit through a full twelve songs of this in one sitting and I’ll show you someone who probably eats their own boogers. There are some solid moments here however and you can add “Out Of The Cages” to the list of their direct-action vegan anthems.

Play it again: “Out Of The Cages”
Skip it: The last four or five songs that kind of blend into one

4. To The Death (2009)

Earth Crisis seemed to enter a new chapter of embracing all things metal in the mid-2000s. The mid-tempo moshiness of their earlier stuff is replaced by crushing high-gain, double-bass riffage. Lyrically they haven’t budged on their message but have gotten a little more creative with them. “To Ashes” retells the true story of a man whose brother was addicted to meth so the guy burned down the meth lab to keep his brother off of it and subsequently went to jail for arson. This song is some piping hot straight edge revenge served up with a side of vigilantism.

Play it again: “To Ashes”
Skip it: “What Horrifies”

3. Neutralize The Threat (2011)

In 2011 they took a break from their verbal assault on the societal collapse from drugs and the death of the planet from animal agriculture to tackle some fun new lyrical territory: the societal collapse and death of the planet from nuclear holocaust. Production-wise this might be their best-sounding record. Everything sounds great and Buechner’s vocals are heavy yet still not muddled. “Total War” is the clear standout song with its Meshuggah-esque syncopation. If we were ranking these albums based just on cover art this would be number 1. Give me a minimalist bleak depiction of the apocalypse over cheesy ass skulls and ugly type treatments any day.

Play it again: “Total War”
Skip it: “Raze”

2. Gomorrah’s Season Ends (1996)

Even in 1996 titling your album with a biblical reference to a city that was destroyed by God because “men lusted after men instead of women” seems sketchy as fuck. There was no Wikipedia back then (which I just used because I don’t know shit about the bible) so it’s possible they weren’t really aware of the implications of that title. We’ll give them the benefit of the doubt since the title track is about (surprise!) being straight edge.

Play it again: “Broken Foundation”, “Gomorrah’s Season Ends”, “Situation Denegrates”
Skip it: Believing in homophobic Bronze Age fairy tales

Honorable Mention: Firestorm (1993)

Let’s get real. This should be number one on this list but it technically doesn’t count because it’s not a full-length. I’m not really sure what else can be said about this EP that hasn’t been said a billion times already. All I know is when this came out it most likely ruined a lot of friendships because of people slapping beers out of their friends’ hands as well as ruined many family Thanksgivings with people slapping the turkey off the dining room table.

Play it again: The whole thing
Skip it: Having to explain to your family at Thanksgiving yet again why you’re not eating the stuffing that was shoved into the turkey carcass

1. Destroy The Machines (1995)

As much as I try not to be the “their old stuff is better” guy I certainly fall into that trap sometimes (just ask the members of Samiam) but it’s hard not to be when the older stuff is objectively better. Besides “Firestorm” and “All Out War” this has all the songs the old guy contingent wants to hear. This album is not perfect though and honestly a little clunky at times. “Reject the anthropocentric falsehood” are actual lyrics that I guess we’re supposed to be excited about. Like we get it guys, you broke out the thesaurus for this one. Despite its faults, this is still the perfect soundtrack to burning down your local McDonalds.

Play it again: “The Wrath of Sanity”, “The Discipline”, “New Ethic”, “Forced March”, “Deliverance”
Skip it: Accepting the anthropocentric falsehood