Hollywood, California by way of Cincinnati, Ohio’s Black Veil Brides has existed for almost two decades, yes, almost TWENTY years, and have six albums which we plan on fully dissecting. So shout at the devil with your pens, but do NOT use knives as they cut like a, uh, knife, and put on some eyeliner aggressively as we spout non-vitriol about this band that gets A LOT of hate because they are a lot of good. BVB, along with Motionless in White, and Ice Nine Kills, formed the “Trinity of Terror,” and hit the road on a triple-headliner that had more legs than a centipede. If you were there, you know, and if you weren’t, you still know because you’re reading this. Whilst you’re here, throw on their June 2024 EP “Bleeders,” and stay dry.
6. Self-Titeld (2014)
We’ve said it before ad nauseam, and we’ll say it again, again, AND again till the thin white duke vegan cows come home, self-titled LPs are tricky for many reasons, as they are sometimes a triumphant return to form. Sadly, oftentimes these efforts are whatever the antonym for “triumphant” is, and sadly this one comes immediately after their best release, which we will bow down to under a faithless crown of thorns to much later, so inevitably it was going to disappoint. Anyway, this LP is also known as “Black Veil Brides IV” for obvious reasons, but not to you hypocritical fools, and the record debuted at number ten on the Billboard 200 chart, which is no small feat for ANY act, especially a hard rock group.
Play it again: “Heart Of Fire”
Skip it: “Walk Away”
5. Vale (2018)
Vale! Like “veil,” bros! Get it, sis’? Let’s get away from the “oozin ahhs” and la dee da dee %$%^ing “da”: “Vale,” the band’s fifth LP, is Black Veil Brides’ final major label release, and definitely not only better front to back than the one that we just mentioned, but it just sounds HUGE in the best way. If we’re being honest, which we always are, maybe the band’s finest or second best effort production-wise; thank you, John “Foxy Shazam” Feldmann of Electric Love Hogs. This is where it ends? Nah, we have four more full-length studio LPs left.
Play it again: “Wake Up”
Skip it: “Ballad Of The Lonely Hearts”
4. We Stitch These Wounds (2010)
We know, we know, “We Stitch These Wounds” is not only Black Veil Brides’ debut album “We Stitch These Wounds” is not their only LP, but it’s the only good thing they’ve ever done according to the critics on the internet. The band re-recorded this album and marketed it as “Re-Switch These Wounds” during the peak of the pandemic in 2020, so we get but also don’t why/how you missed it. Anyway, this record is way more Avenged Sevenfold’s LP’s “Waking the Fallen” and “City of Evil” than shreddy ‘80s hairspray metal. Also, every time we hear the Royal his’ name, we bow towards his beautiful remains. Speaking of beautiful, it’s sweet sans Stone Sour that BVB frontman Andy Biersack’s grandfather Urban Flanders (that name is not a joke) is featured on track one here.
Play it again: “Knives and Pens”
Skip it: “Never Give In”
3. Set the World on Fire (2011)
Black Veil Brides sophomore LP “Set the World on Fire” was truly an accurate descriptor for this record AND this band! Why are we yelling? We don’t know! Speaking of such, the band substituted a lot of growls and guttural works of extreme dedication for a lot of glam here, but don’t scream anything disparaging about their youth, whisk(e)y, musicality, or fashion or they’ll kick your arse. Want proof? Watch some YouTube videos of our favorite saviors with a ‘“u”; basically, you’ve got nothing to lose, don’t be afraid to break daw-ow-wow-wown. Love isn’t always fair, but we always and forever are, so your time has come for a new religion. So, in conclusion, this effort is the first of three medalists to be listed, and bronze just supplants BVB’s legacy as one of the better hard rock bands of the mid-aughts/2010s.
Play it again: “Fallen Angels”
Skip it: “Die For You”
2. The Phantom Tomorrow (2021)
Get mad, in fact, get 516 Long Island MAD mad as Black Veil Brides’ most recent effort is listed by us at number two, making it the silver medalist in a world of marital black and motionless white. You say it shouldn’t be, but come on, you haven’t even heard it at all or in full. Rock operas often don’t rock OR opera, but “The Phantom Tomorrow” does, and does quite hard even in Ford’s Theatre; hey yo. Shout out: Lead guitarist Jake Pitts started co-producing the band’s full-lengths on “Vale,” the album prior, produced the fall eternal spectre redux of “We Stitch These Wounds” by his lonesome, and co-produced this one with Erik Ron, who sat behind the boards for recent releases from Bush, Staind, Godsmack, and Mozart. So hold your torch up high, raise your glasses/hands in the air, rather crimson skies, like you just don’t care.
Play it again: “Crimson Skies”
Skip it: “Kill The Hero”
1. Wretched and Divine: The Story of the Wild Ones (2013)
This ambitious full-length concept studio LP is a no “skip it” effort and as geniuses of the world according to MENSA, we are impolitely refusing to answer any further equations on the matter… Who will tell the story of your life once your revelation lets us down? A bulletproof devil’s choir? Will you live again? We advise you and only you to make it a victory call, and Google the meaning of “abeyance,” as we have no clue what that friggin’ means. Anyway, remember to get scared to die. Not only is “Wretched and Divine: The Story of the Wild Ones” BVB’s first top ten Billboard effort at #77, but in a cool literal flex, their anthem “In The End,” was featured as one of the themes to WWE’s “Hell in a Cell,” not including The Undertaker or Mankind.
Play it again: The whole thing, but at six seconds after the record starts, put on Pink Floyd’s “The Dark Side of The Moon,” and listen to how well it syncs up.
Skip it: Rather, don’t do anything after the first three words of the above “play it again” section