25. Kitty Sanchez
Kitty Sanchez was George Bluth Sr.’s long-suffering assistant, taking care of his business needs and… other needs. Pre-breast implants, she would’ve been first in line to a QAnon meeting, but her new-found sense of self-worth prevents her from ever attending a QAnon meeting now.
24. Argyle Austero
Argyle Austero, like his sister Lucille, is a liberal and philanthropist, helping Tobias be rehabilitated in a work release program. However, his nebulous dealings as the head of the Gay Mafia, and his illegal performance of a “Fantastic 4” musical enamored QAnon to him, with Argyle thinking their proposal over.
23. Dragon
Dragon is an overworked, underpaid, poorly treated carer for a disabled person: not the audience QAnon are seeking. However, Dragon was tempted by a leaflet he saw while Uncle Jack was creeping on an 18-year-old near the Banana Stand.
22. Paul “P-Hound” Huan
You might not think so, but Paul “P-Hound” Huan has a long history with conspiracies. At a party, his first words to a woman were about COINTELPRO and how the CIA secretly runs the world. QAnon is a bit too out there for him, however.
21. Franklin Delano Bluth
Franklin, despite being a staunch fiscal conservative and supporting a complete dismantling of the welfare state, still is a social progressive, notable for his work in strengthening interracial relations in Orange County. He wouldn’t be accepted into QAnon proper because of his support for sex workers.
20. Maeby Fünke
Maeby joined QAnon to upset her mother, thinking that her liberal activist sensibilities would finally force Lindsay to pay attention to her. However, with Lindsay running for the Republicans in Newport Beach, the mother-daughter reunion at a QAnon meeting forced Maeby to stop attending altogether.
19. DeBrie Bardeaux
DeBrie Bardeux is a recovering heroin addict and former actor: QAnon’s two main target audiences. She originally went after being groomed to at her methadone clinic, but after being propositioned by one of the members to re-enact “Straight Bait,” stopped going altogether.
18. Barry Zuckerkorn
Barry is the one member of QAnon who doesn’t attend regularly, but any time he does turn up, he is greeted with claps. He first thought it was a group for people to brag about their addiction to quaaludes “back in the day,” but ended up still going because he liked to feel wanted.
17. Terry Veal
Terry is your run-of-the-mill American evangelical, with one exception: his surprisingly hot wife. After bringing her to a meeting (at his behest), he was deeply saddened that everyone seemed to forget he was there, eventually renouncing his ways and deciding to stop going to Q gatherings.
16. J. Walter Weatherman
J. Walter Weatherman is a dedicated believer of QAnon conspiracies, with his car having a Pizzagate bumper sticker. However, he doesn’t go to any meet ups, because the core members either hate him for his disability, or want to use him to teach lessons to their kids, and he swore to himself that he wouldn’t do that after how the last one turned out.
15. Lucille Bluth
Lucille Bluth only joined QAnon for the complimentary wine at meetings, and to spite her liberal neighbor, Lucille Austero. At her first meeting, she bragged about meeting Jeffrey Epstein “back in the 80s,” and didn’t understand the backlash.
14. Starla
Starla is a semi-regular attendee of QAnon meetings, believing them to be solid as a rock for a few years. Her devotion has waned since her fling got arrested at January 6th, and the resident lawyer who talked about quaaludes all the time stopped attending.
13. Oscar Bluth
Oscar Bluth inadvertently ended up at January 6th, due to his recent pursuit of a new lady love after Lucille’s constant rejection. He never actually bought into the Q dogma, but was arrested for “breaking and entering.” George eventually paid the bail to release him, and all charges were dropped after Oscar admitted he was “really high and really needed to take a piss.”
12. Larry Middleman
Larry Middleman, when not performing his middleman duties, is on Photoshop 2000, creating the best memes he can to send to his nephew to post all over the internet. While performing his middleman duties, he often ends up at QAnon meetings for rich guys on house arrest, making him a fixture.
11. Dusty Radler
Dusty is a staunch Republican who goes along with QAnon so he isn’t ostracised by his beach bum friends. However, he doesn’t have the commitment that many of his friends do, so was conspicuously absent from January 6th, instead proclaiming that he was “sick.”
10. Gob’s Wife
Gob’s wife donated the rest of her divorce settlements to charter a flight from Newport Beach for fellow insurrectionists. She didn’t end up on the flight, because her old army lieutenant warned her about the large prosecution of stormers of the Capitol.
9. Gob Bluth
Gob Bluth joined QAnon on January 4th after using his last “Forget-Me-Now,” and enjoyed the hospitality of a free flight to Washington D.C. As soon as he got to the Capitol, after two hours in the duty-free, he was arrested. Michael had to come and bail him out, vowing that this would be the last time he’d do this for Gob.
8. Lindsay Bluth-Fünke
Lindsay’s history with the Republican party got her enlisted as a speaker for the insurrection, with Maeby’s 10-year-old flashcards working so well, that she was immediately arrested after stepping down from the platform. Michael swore that this really was the last time that he would bail a sibling out.
7. Gene Parmesan
Gene Parmesan is a man of wonderfully mundane disguises. However, attempting to hide his true insurrectionist nature by posing as a cleaner landed him in jail for three months, where he became a successful entertainer for his fellow prisoners.
6. Rita Leeds
Rita’s favorite letter of the alphabet is Q, so much so that she painted it on the outside of her jacket. This enamored many QAnon devotees to her, with her blissful unawareness and mountains of cash making her one of the most implicated people in the January 6th conspiracy. Bob Loblaw successfully manages to get all charges thrown out, but decided to stop practicing law in Newport Beach after this event.
5. Mark Cherry
Mark Cherry was a pop star who had some success in the early 2010s, but wasted his fame through constant over-partying. Pop stars who petered out quickly are QAnon’s third primary audience, able to reel Mark Cherry in, and get him to go on talk shows warning about “the true dangers of adrenochrome.”
4. Herbert Love
Herbert Love is a spokesman for the QAnon movement, taking over the role of Herman Cain after his… timely passing. His wife divorced him for this, wanting to finally get back together with Buster, but that relationship ended as soon as it started.
3. Uncle Jack
Uncle Jack is one of the head honchos of QAnon. Even his unwitting leaking of bile and spit from his mouth did nothing to discourage any fellow insurrectionists from his dedication to the cause. The FBI have nothing on him, either, due to his clandestine accounts in the Cayman Islands being in Buster’s name.
2. Buster Bluth
Buster went to a QAnon meeting to spite Lucille Austero, but ended up enjoying how respected he felt after telling members how he lost his hand. He got arrested when he was in Washington D.C. on January 7th for “suspected financial irregularities,” with Michael swearing on his wife’s grave that he wouldn’t be bailing anyone out anymore.
1. Tobias Fünke
Tobias is the most likely to join QAnon, because he thinks it’s an up-and-coming actor’s guild. His experience with painting himself was endearing to the diehards, but his constant sexual innuendo got him kicked out. He still paints himself with the American flag in case “they need him for their next project in D.C.”
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