20. Jerry Only
Jerry’s haunted house is mainly going to take what Glenn Danzig built from the ground up and make it somehow worse. Then Glenn is going to sue Jerry for copyright infringement on it. If anything, I’m going to feel bad for the guy.
19. Matt Skiba
Matt likes fog machines. A lot. I won’t be able to see shit during the walkthrough. But at least the blood-curdling scream noises sounded cool.
18. Ken Casey
Have you seen any of the movies from the “Leprechaun” franchise? The Dropkick Murphys singer has. All of them. Twice. In fact, the theme for his haunted house is specifically “Leprechaun 4: In Space.” I really want to make fun of it so bad, but it’s surprisingly impressive and meticulously detailed. So much that I’m going to want to check out this movie when I get home. What have I become?
17. Milo Aukerman
One part legendary punk singer, one part molecular biologist, I honestly have no idea what to expect from the Descendents’ singer’s haunted house. Probably something science-related though. Like “Re-Animator” shit.
16. Davey Havok
Davey goes all in on Halloween. So much so that he starts his preparations in April. To me, that’s not nearly enough time. You need to get moving sometime in January if you want to get it right. What an amateur.
15. Jennifer Finch
The L7 bassist’s haunted house is going to be her own home that just so happens to have a resident ghost. Unfortunately, it’s one of those spirits that just shuts doors and makes the room cold all of a sudden. I’m looking for something more aggressive.
14. Jeff Rosenstock
Jeff’s house features the real-life Bruce Campbell from the “Evil Dead” movies. Turns out Bruce was given 25 bucks and a sandwich to perform for the evening. Man, that guy doesn’t say no to anything.
13. Deryck Whibley
We all love a good theme when it comes to haunted houses, like a fucked up carnival or zombie apocalypse. But the Sum 41 guy’s theme is going to be Tim Burton’s “Frankenweenie” so it’s just a bunch of bull terriers and corgis running loose in this house. No complaints.
12. Matt Freeman
There’s no doubt that the former Operation Ivy and current Rancid bassist is extremely talented at his instrument. For some reason, proficiency in the bass arts translates extremely well to haunted house curation. Maybe it’s the years of mental abuse they must endure for playing an inferior instrument. If that’s the case, Les Claypool’s haunted house must be fucked up as hell.
11. Billie Joe Armstrong
Billie Joe’s neighbors and peers are going to tell me that he sold out a long time ago and that his haunted houses used to be way better before the whole town knew about them. I am going to pretend I didn’t hear them and just enjoy myself anyway. It seems perfectly fine.
10. Jello Biafra
The main villains in Jello’s haunted house are going to be yuppies dressed in suits while holding briefcases and checking their watches to make sure they aren’t late for something. One of them is going to pass by another actor pretending to be homeless and say “Get a job.” It’ll then be clear that Jello’s theme is the “horrors of capitalism.” More disturbing than scary. I hope I never have to live in a terrifying world like that.
9. Kat Moss
Everyone’s going to make fun of me for wearing my Scowl shirt to Kat’s haunted house. I totally forgot the unwritten rule that you never wear the shirt of the band’s haunted house you’re going to see. Completely slipped my mind. Great, now I look like a poser. Sick haunted house though.
8. Iggy Pop
Iggy will be playing one of the shirtless zombie actors in his haunted house. He’s going to give a rousing performance too. I had completely forgotten that he also has a history of acting. This man is versatile as shit.
7. Glenn Danzig
You would think Danzig would have the best haunted house on this list hands down. While his effort is quite impressive, Glenn would not tell us about the four or five indoor cats he has as pets that also live here, and I’d find that out the hard way after accidentally stepping in several litter boxes. At least he’d have a lint roller at the end for guests.
6. Kathleen Hanna
Kathleen’s haunted house is going to be groundbreaking in many ways. The only downside is that there are going to be a lot of dudes explaining why her work is so important in the haunted house scene even though they’ve never even experienced hers in person because, according to them, they’re not usually into “female-fronted haunted houses.”
5. Brendan Yates
The Turnstile singer’s haunted house has several indoor mini ramps. While not terrifying on the surface, it’s going to make me think of the time I tried to do a kickflip mere days after picking up a skateboard and demolished my tailbone. Brendan’s going for psychological horror and I’m not against it.
4. HR
HR’s haunted house will be the only one with a mosh pit. I get to windmill with hardcore zombies and two-step alongside a guy dressed as Jason Voorhees? Now we’re talking.
3. Laura Jane Grace
You know those 12-foot Home Depot skeletons? Laura Jane is going to have six of them outside her house. This is going to make a good first impression that will carry over to the rest of the haunted attraction.
2. Kenny “Stinker” Gordon
Pure Hell’s haunted house for the most part influenced every other haunted house on this list but didn’t get any of the credit for it. I think it was because Kenny was the first to put strobe lights in his. Iconic move.
1.Poison Ivy
The Cramps’ guitarist will somehow have real-life disembodied spirits lurking throughout her haunted house. She’d tell us that she conjured them up that very morning to save on paying local actors. This is hauntingly effective and equally makes sound financial advice.