Marriages can be so difficult that nearly 50% of them end in divorce. Because you and your spouse don’t want to become another depressing statistic, you’ve decided to work through your differences with your new marriage counselor, Gerry. He’s a pretty laid-back therapist. Even though your spouse prefers silence, he has allowed you to play some music during your sessions to help calm your nerves.
You’re a big fan of Foo Fighters, and you’ve always found Dave Grohl’s romantic lyricism to be one of the few keys that unlock your soul. Before you start picking out some of their tracks to express your deepest feelings, here are 25 you should consider avoiding. (Listen to the playlist, click here)
25. “The Last Song”
Even though Gerry said this is a safe space, it’s still pretty jarring that you brought your 100W JBL Partybox into his office. Don’t make it worse by playing a rowdy song that suggests you’re ready to throw in the towel before the session even starts. If you must play it, at least turn it down. There’s already been enough shouting.
24. “Statues”
This is a marriage counseling session, so it’s best to pick songs that fit the theme. While ‘Statues’ does mention growing old with someone, it’s pretty bleak with its mentions of death and unremarkable lives. This would make more sense to play in a grief counseling session or maybe even hospice. Just don’t play it here, it’ll bum everyone out.
23. “White Limo”
We’ve listened to this song a few times now, and for the life of us we can’t figure out what the hell it’s about. We think it could be about a fractured relationship, but we’re not sure what the lines about limos and Day-Glo thongs are referencing. Since communication is vital in these situations, it might be best to skip this one in favor of a song with less abstract metaphors.
22. “You Should Be Dancing”
We get it. This is a tough time, and you’re desperately trying to lighten the mood. Everyone thought Foo Fighters’ post-pandemic era Bee Gees covers album was hilarious after being stuck in our homes and losing all sense of reality. Should be a no brainer, right? Wrong. This is no time for dancing and even less of a time for Grohl’s terrible falsetto.
21. “Monkey Wrench”
Gerry sometimes likes to use the metaphor of an ‘emotional toolbox’ during his sessions. In this scenario, the ‘monkey wrench’ represents the words you will use to fix the ‘pipe’ that is leaking your unresolved emotions. Needless to say, this song will probably come off as rude to him. If you don’t like his silly word games, just tell him.
20. “Holding Poison”
This song seems to suggest that it’s a good idea to hold in all of your negative feelings until you implode. Though Dave says in the song that ‘there ain’t nothing’ he can do about it, Gerry has told you repeatedly to talk about your emotional state. These sessions are like… $900 an hour so it’s important you don’t waste them by not listening. If you put this song on, you’ll only reinforce the belief that your poor spending habits are ruining the family.
19. “Subterranean”
One of the larger issues involved with letting Dave Grohl speak on your behalf is that he can be a bit dramatic at times. ‘Subterranean’ is a great example of this. You and your spouse have been married for over a decade. Do you really want to suggest that they don’t know you, damn well they don’t? If you have to put an asterisk next to a song choice, it’s best to just skip and move on.
18. “Sunday Rain”
It’s important and even healthy to voice your disappointment. If you’re going to go with poetry, though, at least pick some that makes sense. We’re not sure what the fuck Dave means by ‘Sunday Rain’ or why he’s drowning in it, but we’re pretty sure it’s a personal thing. Find your own words and make them relevant to the situation.
17. “Run”
Strong relationships aren’t all about attachment styles, but you just so happen to be avoidant as fuck, you withholding asshole. While the sentiment behind this song might seem romantic, your problems won’t magically go away no matter how far you run from them. Feel your feelings for once in your life.
16. “Next Year”
While this is certainly one of the more soothing tracks in Foo Fighters’ discography, it doesn’t really bode confidence for your marriage to suggest that you’ll be taking off only to return at an unspecified time during the following year. Also, this reeks of the “Scrubs” soundtrack. This isn’t “Scrubs”. This is real life.
15. “Tired Of You”
Ugh. The entire reason you entered marriage counseling was because you both are exhausted with each other. Since actions speak louder than words, this one will ring a bit hollow. Your spouse likely won’t appreciate the promise of continued lies and bad news to boot.
14. “Another Round”
On the surface, you might think this one is a romantic plea to a distant lover. Well, buddy, we took half a creative writing class six years ago and we’re sad to say this is not the case. When closely examined, ‘Another Round’ seems to depict a codependent relationship. You don’t want to give Gerry more to examine about you than he already has.
13. “I’ll Stick Around”
Modern beliefs regarding partnerships strive to eschew the idea of ownership and emotional debt. This is irrelevant, though, because you still haven’t come up with a good explanation for the $3,000 that suddenly disappeared from your joint bank account. Somehow no one has brought this up during the session. Don’t invite the topic with a song that repeatedly says ‘I don’t owe you anything.’
12. “Have It All”
While intimacy and sexual chemistry are important components to discuss in any couple’s therapy session, it’s important to be professional. For this reason, ‘Have It All’ might be a bit too steamy for this session. In fact, it’s borderline disgusting and might get you banned from the office indefinitely.
11. “Weenie Beenie”
When you get flustered in situations like these, you have a tendency to babble incoherently. It’s part of the reason your spouse suggested counseling in the first place. Putting this nonsense song on is a surefire way to let everyone in the room know you have no intention of working on this quirk.
10. “What Did I Do?/God As My Witness”
The purpose of these sessions is not to point blame, but to empathetically explain actions and discover patterns behind problematic behavior. That being said, everyone here knows exactly what you did. Since you’re already on thin ice, it’s best to quit denying the obvious and skip this extremely acerbic song.
9. “Wind Up”
When Gerry suggests that perhaps your fear of intimacy is rooted in your unresolved feelings of inadequacy, your first instinct might be to punch his lights out. Unfortunately, this is not your best recourse as evidenced by last week’s session. Playing this track is only going to make everyone think you haven’t learned how to control your anger.
8. “M.I.A”
While it’s generally good to acknowledge your flaws openly and honestly like Dave does in this song, you sometimes take it too far… like Dave does in this song. Even if you don’t mean it, it’s never a good idea to suggest you’re planning to go missing during a crisis such as this.
7. “DOA”
Everyone knows you don’t want to be here, but there’s no need to be so dramatic about it. Playing a song that states ‘no one’s getting out of here alive’ will change the trajectory of this session quickly and in a bad way. In this context, you might as well be yelling ‘bomb’ on an airplane. In other words, don’t.
5. “Erase/Replace”
It’s okay and even encouraged to be confrontational when your feelings are at stake. If you don’t stand up for yourself, no one will. Still, there’s a fine line between confrontational and delusional and this song crosses it within the first pre-chorus. If you’re trying to allude that you have the emotional intelligence of a toddler, put it on. Otherwise stay far away from this one.
4. “Enough Space”
First off, who the hell is Lily? Secondly, the first time you admitted to an affair you were sleepwalking and also talking nonsense about UFOs and shit. It’s a safe bet that you don’t want to remind anyone of that. Lastly… seriously, who the fuck is Lily?
3. “Hell”
You might think of including this one because the guitars and melody sound pretty upbeat and most of these sessions have been such downers. You might want to give the lyrics a once over first. We hope you’ll come to the conclusion that someone repeatedly scream-singing ‘see you in Hell’ is inappropriate. Just in case you don’t though: playing a song where Dave repeatedly screams ‘see you in Hell’ is inappropriate.
3. “Bridge Burning”
Listen, everyone is here to help repair the bridge between you and your spouse. Putting this defensive ass song on will certainly derail all hope of that happening. Remember, it’s you, your spouse, and Gerry, we guess, against the problem. No one is trying to make a bonfire out of your charred corpse as this song suggests.
2. “Love Dies Young”
This is the absolute opposite of the vibe your counselor is attempting to cultivate here. It’s melodramatic and counterproductive. Maybe there’s a Foo Fighters song called ‘Love Lasts Forever Despite Some Roadblocks Along The Way.’ We don’t have time to research, but if that song exists, play it instead.
1. “All My Life”
If you want to sound like a crazed lunatic with drinking problems, or even worse, just a total brat, go ahead and put this one on. Let’s see how your spouse or Gerry reacts to the suggestion that you can just pick up and go to the next greatest love of your life. Just for clarity, we’re being sarcastic. Social cues are something you’ll work on in next week’s solo session.