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10 Albums Coming in 2023 We Don’t Really Care About Because We’re Depressed

We’re supposed to be taking a look ahead at some of the most anticipated albums coming in 2023 or whatever. Here are 10 new records that we should probably be excited for, I guess.

Fucked Up “One Day”

We can imagine a time when the anthemic new single “Found” from Fucked Up’s next LP might’ve given us goosebumps, but honestly, we haven’t gotten all tingly from music in years. It sounds like something we would like, though, if we still liked things.

Fall Out Boy “So Much (For) Stardust”

We’re sure a lot of people would be psyched to receive an advance copy of the new Fall Out Boy record. However, we felt exhausted and ended up putting it next to the record player and lying down for a while.

(Preorder a copy in our store by clicking here)

Yo La Tengo “This Stupid World”

We were imagining how many people have been born, lived lives and died in the nearly 40 years that Yo La Tengo has been a band… Of course, they would have been sadly abbreviated lives, cut short most likely due to disease or misfortune. What was the point of it all?

Metallica “72 Seasons”

After several false starts and broken promises, could this be the long-awaited return-to-form for Metallica that will make us feel young and vital again? Or will it be another middling collection of dad-metal that just deepens our ennui?

(Preorder a copy in our store by clicking here)

Smashing Pumpkins “ATUM: A Rock Opera in Three Acts: Act Two”

This announcement just gives us nostalgia for a past that never happened—a past where the Smashing Pumpkins broke up after “Mellon Collie” and never started sucking. At least they should bring back D’Arcy. I feel like we would really get along with her.

Paramore “This is Why”

We’re hoping that an album entitled “This is Why” may finally answer some existential questions that have been plaguing us lately, such as “Why me?” and “What’s the point?”

(Preorder a copy in our store by clicking here)

Quasi “Breaking the Balls of History”

Sorry, we can’t listen to Quasi. Our ex put them on a mix for us 15 years ago and it’s still too painful.

Neutral Milk Hotel “The Collected Works of Neutral Milk Hotel”

We felt a glimmer of excitement when we heard there was a new NMH album coming out—but it turns out it’s just a big, expensive reissue, further cementing our feeling that everything good has already happened.

(Preorder a copy of the Neutral Milk Hotel collection in our store)

100 Gecs  “10,000 Gecs”

We don’t necessarily like 100 Gecs, but it is worth noting that their music is grating enough to temporarily disrupt our anhedonia and make us actually feel something, even if it’s a terribly unpleasant sensation.

(Preorder a copy in our store, click here)

Cattle Decapitation “Terrasite”

Cattle Decapitation believes that humanity is a disease; a scourge upon the Earth, doomed to suffer while ever marching toward extinction, dragging the rest of life as we know it along into the grave. Finally, something we can relate to.