Ever wonder what happened to your God? It seemed like he was EVERYWHERE in ’80s and ’90s, but today, as you watch me replace the blade on my chainsaw and struggle helplessly to free yourself from the folding chair I’ve bound you to, it’s as if he just dropped right off the face of the earth!
So how about it? WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?!
Isn’t it amazing the way these public figures come and go from our lives? One day you’re enjoying God’s work (air, free will, your loving family), and then all the sudden you’re bound and gagged to a chair in the the filthy kill room of a psychopath and God is nowhere to be found! One minute he’s on top of and/or creating the world, then the next minute it’s like he never existed at all!
Let’s check out some of God’s best work on this creepy old photo projector I’ve rigged up.
Here we see a quaint little town God made where I was born and began my crucial work! Do you see?
Here we see a photo of my mother, who bore me into this world only to belittle me and try to rob my of my glorious splendor, do you see?!
Here we see a bound, frightened man not knowing the cosmic importance of the work he will soon be a part of. Recognize the chair? You should, you’re bound to it right now!
Here we see the same man transformed by my work, his feeble mortal form discarded and his soul baring witness to the apex of my glorious becoming, DO YOU SEE?!!
So how about it pal? Do you, LOOK AT ME! Do you want to know where your God is now?
HE IS BEFORE YOU!!!
I AM GOD!!!
I AM GOD!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!
Ah shit this chainsaw won’t start. Hey, you don’t happen to have an Allen wrench set on you, do you?