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We’re Not Going to Pander to You With a Hot Take on Louis CK. Instead, Here’s 125 of Them

By | August 29, 2018

Louis CK has returned to the stage and the internet is predictably ablaze. Rather than participate in the spectacle with a click grabbing hot take on the issue we’ve decided to take the high road and not weigh in at all. It is not the place of the media to tell you what to think or how to feel.

Just kidding, here’s a whole bunch of hot takes on Louis CK. The best ones are at the bottom where the ads are, keep scrolling.

  1. You may not respect the man Louie CK but you WILL respect the office he holds
  2. The only way to stop a bad Louis CK with a dick is a good Louie CK with a dick
  3. While Louie CK returned to comedy children in Flint Michigan still had no safe drinking water
  4. Hear me out: All we need to do to get even is show Louis CK as many vaginas as possible
  5. No one should be able to sweep this kind of behavior under the rug without ties to the Hearst family
  6. Hilary Clinton jerked off on just as many people as Louis CK
  7. Louis CK Reboot Should have been Recast with a Woman
  8. If we’re going to let Louis CK back into comedy after doing what he did to those women, then what’s stopping me from getting my job in HR back?
  9. Mexican immigrant Louis CK is proof we need the wall
  10. If Louis CK was serious about redemption he would have returned to comedy in a roast battle
  11. Excusing Louis CK’s Behavior Is A Slippery Slope Towards Me Jerking Off On A Mall Bench
  12. According to Jordan Peterson there is no proof that not jerking off in front of female comics works
  13. Any website that makes light of Louis Ck via hot takes should be boycotted right alongside him
  14. Louie CK should not be able to return to stand-up until we know he’s all cummed out
  15. How would you like it if I started masturbating in front of you? Yes? No? Maybe?
  16. Are You Ready to Forgive Louis CK? Read to Find Out
  17. Louis CK should be praised for taking up George Carlins rigorous jerk-off schedule
  18. The snowflake generation needs to learn how to take a joke
  19. Louis CK would have been Hitler’s favorite comedian
  20. Louis CK is funny enough to jerk off on whoever or whatever he wants
  21. Before you attack me for defending Louis CK consider this: I don’t know what words mean
  22. Louis CK is not funny at all and should never be allowed to jerk off, ever
  23. Louie CK is kind of funny sometimes and should certainly be permitted to jerk off in moderation but certainly never on unwilling participants
  24. So we’re just allowing gingers into comedy, now?
  25. If we don’t let Louis CK back into comedy, what middle aged male comedian is going to tell us how bad their penis
  26. Louis CK is a disgrace but here’s 5 reasons he would be a Hufflepuff
  27. Louie CK is Qanon
  28. Donald Trump has every right to Pardon Louis CK
  29. We should have teachers with Louis CK’s dick in their desks in every school in America
  30. We went to Louie CK’s first show in 9 months and we’re VICE and we’re fucking awesome
  31. Why Louie CK NEEDS to direct the remake of Last Jedi
  32. It’s a little tasteless to leave Louis CK in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate
  33. Russian hackers
  34. I don’t forgive Louie CK but it’s time we give the dozens male comedians who don’t jack off in front of people a chance
  35. I’m not willing to forgive male comedians for sexual misconduct until John Mulaney does something
  36. Louis CK’s daughter are crisis actors
  37. Lucky Louie was way funnier than Louie anyways
  38. He was never fat enough to tell a lot of those fat jokes
  39. Finally I know how long I should be upset at Charlie Rose, Tom Brokaw, Harvey Weinstein, and hundreds of others before I can welcome them back
  40. Ben Shapiro just DESTROYED The Comic Who Says She Doesn’t Want to See Her Coworker’s Dick
  41. Lets just call this what it is: kink shaming
  42. Louis CK sperm isn’t hot enough to melt steel beams
  43. When Louie jerked off about how talented AND smart he was on Louie you assholes were silent
  44. There is nothing funny about the Louie Ck situation
  45. White people need to stop calling the cops on every Louis CK they see
  46. Louis CK’s comeback takes gigs away from lesser known abusive comics
  47. Louis CK is a false flag operation
  48. Fluoride in the water makes you not forgive Louis CK
  49. Try to see both sides of the issue: he really wanted to jerk off at those times and in front of those people
  50. Wait Calvin Klein does comedy?
  51. As a christian I am compelled to turn the other cheek and as a monster Louis CK is compelled to cum on that cheek
  52. Louis CK didn’t do anything with his penis that Gallagher hasn’t been doing with a watermelon and a large hammer for decades
  53. When you don’t think about Louis CK is the real victim
  54. But her emails!
  55. If what Louis CK did was wrong I better lay low for a while
  56. Dems keep falling for the Louis CK trap
  57. Louis CK is co-opting angry young men
  58. Banning Louis CK from comedy will cost taxpayers more in the long run
  59. Arizona voters need to stop quoting Louis CK itchy asshole routine
  60. The travesty that is Louis CKs inevitable Joe Rogan appearance
  61. Millennials agree: If Louis CK was really seeking redemption he would have turned to Christ months ago
  62. Why Louis CK needs to stop doing comedy and start running for president
  63. Louis CK just unleashed his very bad opinion on Louis CK
  64. Gun control
  65. John McCain’s decision to die before Louis CK’s return was cowardly
  66. Shouldn’t you be watching Crazy Rich Asians?
  67. Louis CK’s return proves we need a Space Force
  68. If a woman did what Louis CK did people would be reacting very differently
  69. Millennials are killing the “forgive me for sexual assault” industry
  70. Louis CK should have to start at the bottom, for example the bar show I book
  71. Why Louis Ck will make the perfect Lando Calrissian
  72. Let’s call the Dali Lama’s stance on Louis CK what it is: Silent Consent
  73. Louis CK: Radical Islam’s secret weapon
  74. I may not agree with Louis CK but I will fight to the death for his right to masturbate on non consenting strangers
  75. It’s time for Louis CK to step down and allow a second white man to become successful in comedy
  76. It’s time to forget Louis CK and let another white comic use the n-word on stage
  77. Send us your most epic takedown of Louis CK for a chance to win free Morrissey tickets
  78. I expect better of the Comedy Cellar because I am completely unfamiliar with that club and their general vibe
  79. If Louis CK wan’t a comedian and was The Mountain Goats instead and didn’t jerk off in front of people no one would be upset
  80. It would be wrong to use this anti-Louis CK thinkpiece to plug my twitter (@danricecomedy dm for avails)
  81. Louis CK should never have returned to the stage without returning to twitter first
  82. Michael Che has to read this whole stupid list now because i just wrote “Michael Che”
  83. While I agree that what Louis CK did was wrong it’s no excuse to stop calling him Daddy
  84. Sarah Silverman is hurting feminism by having her own opinion
  85. You know Bill Maher still has a fucking TV show, right?
  86. Just admit it: masturbation is a myth
  87. Stop making light of Louis CK’s undeserved return with your jokes
  88. It was wrong of Disney to give Guardians of the Galaxy 3 to Louis CK
  89. No one complained when Jim Gaffigan masturbated on people just because he’s white, famous and never did that
  90. This is all a part of his humiliation fetish
  91. If Louis CK could please stop claiming Mexican heritage we would appreciate it; you might have noticed things are not so great for us at the moment
  92. I bet you fucks really regret getting “Maron” cancelled now, huh?
  93. Louis CK is just Bill Hicks for college freshmen
  94. Louie CK is turning the frogs gay
  95. Louis CK is what happens when you give every child a trophy for best apology
  96. It’s no coincidence that the CIA was executing a war game scenario in which Louis CK jerked off on people the same day he did it
  97. It’s time for Louis CK to come back, to before he was a creep
  98. The real vitim here is the comic who had to go on right after Louis CK’s comeback set
  99. The fact that he came back totally ripped and hot is just an added insult
  100. No one is talking about the comedians Louie CK jerked off on who are now very successful
  101. All would be forgiven if Louie CK would just wash his fucking hands
  102. We use completely unbiased journalism tactics to investigate Louis CK opinions that are very bad
  103. I’m a very lonely person
  104. Why didn’t he just jerk off on the subway like a normal New Yorker?
  105. If Louis CK is so problematic, why do I, a white man of all people, think he’s funny?
  106. Louis CK is a Soros-funded conspiracy to make male college freshmen assholes
  107. We need to hold male comedians who hate their children to a higher standard
  108. This would never have happened in a communist soceity
  109. Jen Kirkman never actually confirmed she was talking about Louis
  110. Ok, ok, but what if the only way to stop an imminent terrorist attack was to jerk off in front of a woman and there was no time to get her consent?
  111. Yes, Louis Ck made a mistake. But how long are we going to not punish him for it?
  112. You are angry, intelligent, and ready to purchase a wide variety of products and services
  113. Doubling down: It’s time to forgive Bill Cosby
  114. It’s time to talk about how dope the Louie theme song was
  115. It’s time we stop excluding Louis CK’s stumpy, gross hands from their own masturbatory narrative
  116. Don’t call it a comeback because that makes us think of Louis CK cumming
  117. Over sensitivity in millennials is killing comedy and Louis CK’s erection
  118. Louie CK’s return to comedy seems self-serving and masturbatory
  119. As an up and coming comedian named KC Lewis (check website for dates), I’m outraged at Louis CK’s return
  120. It’s time Louis CK responds to the rumor that he jerked off on James Gunn that we just started
  121. Instead of masturbating Louis CK should have just morphed his head into a wolf and howled at women to express his arousal
  122. We need to find out what Pamela Adlon knew and when she knew it
  123. We need to reject Louis CK the comedian and embrace Louis CK the musician
  124. Fuck It, Louie CK killed JonBenet Ramsey and the ads at the bottom of this article can prove it
  125. If Louis CK was serious about redemption he would have started doing improv