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We Asked Sting to Talk About His Time With The Police and He Said No

The Police is a seminal rock band whose unique blend of musical genres paved the way for countless innovative bands. Their music is timeless and iconic, as is the voice of their lead singer and well-publicized sex gladiator, Sting. After months of pestering we managed to acquire an interview with Sting himself. Once his publicist gave us Mr. Gordon Sumner’s personal email address (that’s his real name- lame, right?), we asked Sting to talk with us about his time as the frontman of The Police and he shot us down at every turn. Anyway, here are the emails if you wanna see them I guess:

To: [email protected]
From: ********@thehardtimes.net
Subject: What’s up dude?!

Yo Stinger! Stingerino! How’s it hangin buddy? You ready to knock this interview out bro??

To: ********@thehardtimes.net
From: [email protected]
Re: What’s up dude?!

Excuse me, who is this?

To: [email protected]
From: ********@thehardtimes.net
Re: Re: What’s up dude?!

Ah I knew you were gonna bust my balls dude! Alright, first question: What made you and The Police want to cover that Puff Daddy song that he made after Biggie died?

To: ********@thehardtimes.net
From: [email protected]
Re: Re: Re: What’s up dude?!

I’m sorry, I don’t have time for this. Please stop emailing me.

To: [email protected]
From: ********@thehardtimes.net
Re: Re: Re: Re: What’s up dude?!

Ah come on dude, don’t be like that. Second question: Do you think that you, in your prime, could beat Sting the wrestler in a fight? What about today now that you’re both old as hell?

(No Response)

To: [email protected]
From: ********@thehardtimes.net
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: What’s up dude?!

Yo did you get my last email? I got a deadline on this thing, you know.

(No Response)

To: [email protected]
From: ********@thehardtimes.net
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: What’s up dude?!

Okay dude last question: Do you think ‘Fuck tha Police’ was NWA’s way of saying they prefer your solo work?

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