Say goodbye to your childhoods, kiddos! In light of the recent news that Toys R Us stores across the country will be shutting their doors for good, the last remaining Toys R Us kid has been captured and liquidated!
Sources report that 42-year-old Donny Dent, of Colorado Springs, Colorado, was captured early this morning by unnamed agents who “are not at liberty to disclose their identity, or affiliation with Toys R Us, Inc. and any and all related subsidiaries.”
I guess it’s a good thing he never wanted to grow up in the first place!
“While we are not at liberty to report specifics at this time, we can confirm that the last remaining Toys R Us kid in America has been hunted, captured, returned to us and… handled, thereby restoring the natural order,” said a spokesperson for the company who declined to be named but is “definitely not Geoffrey,” as they insisted multiple times.
LOL, whatever you say!
The best part? He’s been hella marked down! If you’re interested in purchasing the recently liquified puddle that was once Donny Dent, head on down to the Colorado Springs Toys R Us on Citadel North before it closes for good!
Article by Patrick Coyne and The Hard Times Staff.