LA MIRADA, Calif. — Kat Rapier decided to let her husband purchase a Fender Custom Shop guitar he’d been eyeing for years after he suddenly became interested in AR-15s, confirmed sources.
“I know the country’s in a current shit-state and everyone’s getting paranoid about our leaders but the moment my husband started going down a semi-automatic rifle rabbit hole for ‘home defense’ I knew I had to make the sacrifice and pivot his interest elsewhere,” said Mrs. Rapier. “I’d constantly catch him looking at a ‘68 Fender Telecaster Thinline which means nothing to me but when I thought he was up to something nefarious in the middle of the night he would just be watching YouTube videos about it. The day I saw him on a gun website I knew I had to bite the bullet, no pun intended, and let him buy the dumb guitar.”
Husband Will Rapier explains how one of the happiest days of his life came about.
“I was talking to my wife one morning about possibly buying military-grade weaponry to protect our suburban home, even though our biggest intruder is a neighborhood racoon but you never know when you might have to stand your ground and defend your castle. Before I made the commitment to buy it my wife blurted out ‘Buy the Telecaster’ and I immediately knew which one she meant,” recalled Mr Rapier. “The fact that she knows how special it is to me will only make it much more. I was on the phone with Fender within minutes and they convinced me to pick up a ‘64 Custom Deluxe Reverb amp too. When I told my wife they even offered 5% off I could tell she was stunned by how wide her eyes went. Anyway, this has thoroughly depleted the budget for any other purchases for a good while and I’ll just have to defend our home from intruders with some sweet licks.”
Fender Custom Shop manager Leo James said this was not an uncommon experience.
“Nobody ever wants to look at our charts but we’ve graphed how spikes in public unrest and violence always leads to an uptick in high-end guitar sales,” said James. “It’s quite wild and I’m surprised no one has accused us of being part of a grand conspiracy to sell more guitars via control of world politics. Spouses and partners rush their significant others to buy something that will actually appreciate in value over time instead of a firearm. The only downside of this trend is that it overshadows our sales of Squier guitars that we see real guitarists buy.”
As of press time, Mrs. Rapier encouraged her husband to buy the Tom Morello signature Fender “Arm The Homeless” guitar after she noticed him getting a little too invested in Civil War history.
