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We Tried to Interview Henry Rollins but Jeff Fucked Up the Schedule. So Instead Here’s a Transcript of Jeff Being Fired

Recently, Henry Rollins, acclaimed actor from the 1994 movie ‘The Chase’, agreed to sit down for an interview with the Hard Times. Unfortunately, our office assistant, Jeff, scheduled the wrong date on our calendar and Mr. Rollins had to cancel at the last minute.

Our staff unanimously agreed that Jeff is a jerk who sucks, and, since we pride ourselves on regularly putting out content, here’s the transcript of the meeting where Jeff got fired.

Hard Times Management: Have a seat Jeff. Actually, don’t. This won’t take long. Do you know why you’re here?

Jeff: Dude, if this is about the Rollins interview I can totally explain. You see when I went to do the schedule…

Management: That’s enough out of you!

Jeff: Whoa. Calm down. I mean, what’s the big deal?

Management: I’ll tell you what the big deal is. We’re all pretty sick of your shit, Jeff. This is the last straw.

Jeff: I think you’re overreacting. Look, it was one mistake. Just give me another shot and I promise nothing like this will ever happen again.

Management: That’s what you said six months ago after the ‘Mark Hoppus incident’.

Jeff: Sure, bring that up again. So I tackled the guy a little bit. He was fine in like four hours!

Management: Then there was the time you downloaded a porn virus onto our server and it replaced all the icons on the site with cartoon dildos.

Jeff: That wasn’t supposed to happen. I had incognito mode on. Look the thing told me to click if I wanted to see the mom from Family Guy take her pants off, what was I supposed to do?!

Management: And if that wasn’t bad enough you told Becky from maintenance that you actually like Nickelback!

Jeff: Now that’s out of context! I was saying I’d like my change back after the soda machine at my coins. I keep my enjoyment of Nickelback out of the workplace just like company policy requires.

Management: Regardless, the decision has already been made. This will be your last day at the Hard Times.

Jeff: Oh no! How am I supposed to pay for HuluPlus now?

Management: I don’t know and I don’t care. You’re done here. There is a farewell party going on in the conference room. We’d all appreciate if you didn’t attend. Now get out.

Sources confirmed that Jeff has since canceled his Hulu subscription.