BROOKLYN — Casual sex enthusiast Steve Searcy revealed today that his recent Tinder date Monica Preston seemed to have “more of a Bumble thing going on,” after she appeared to desire a more conventional date than the trysts he’s come to expect.
“At first I thought it was kind of cool she wanted to know where I worked before we did a bunch of shots and porked one another,” Searcy explained. “But when she started asking me about my relationship with my boss and if I found my work fulfilling, it dawned on me that she wasn’t in a hurry to figure out who lived closer so we could hurry back and fuck there.”
Witnesses of the date, which took place at Mob Barley’s, a recently opened microbrewery, confirmed Preston not only asked multiple questions about Searcy’s family and professional life, but that she even referenced said things later on in the conversation.
“I remember her saying how great it would be if [Steve] was as close with his coworkers as he was with his cousin Sean,” said Lyndsey Brant, who was dining at the adjacent table. “That’s two completely different things she learned about him before they’d seen each other naked. Takes all kinds, I guess.”
Searcy reported initial confusion by this turn of events, but that eventually, everything he thought he knew about modern dating had been called into question.
“I always thought Tinder was for one-night stands, you know?” Searcy explained. “When it was time to meet the love of my life, I figured it would happen the old-fashioned way: like getting matched up on Hinge, or sending a Facebook friend request to a friend of a friend who I saw a picture of in a bikini. I mean, I can’t tell my children, ‘And after I sent her a shirtless mirror selfie, your mother said she liked the paintings in my bathroom and that we had the same brand of toothpaste.’ It’s absurd!”
“I mean… it’s nice to be able to open up to someone, you know?” he added. “I guess it’s just a good reminder that sometimes, when a woman asks to see a picture of your dick, she might just want to see who that dick is attached to.”