WASHINGTON — Viral TikTok sensation “Tariq the Corn Kid” shocked fans and political insiders alike after accepting a lucrative lobbying position on behalf of Agriculture conglomerate Cargill, sources close to the corn enthusiast confirmed.
“These guys and suits asked me how much I liked corn, and I told them a whole lot. Then they asked if I wanted to go to Washington to tell people with eggs for heads how great corn is, and I know they have the museum with the cool airplanes there so I said yes,” said Tariq. “I told a Senator that when the world is scary we can take a corn break, and then I handed him some files the suit guys gave me and he was super happy. Now I can eat all the corn I want with infinite butter.”
Cargill executive Gary Lewis the company’s synergistic relationship with the TikTok star.
“Let’s be real, up until six weeks ago corn wasn’t exactly at the forefront of the collective consciousness. But then Tariq’s interview and its subsequent remix came along and suddenly Google searches for corn are up 9000% and he’s named the freaking ‘corn-bassador,’“said Lewis. “Tariq embraces the world for all the beauty it contains, and we can leverage this to make the ‘Got Milk’ campaign look like amateur hour. When he’s sitting before a Congressional panel, I doubt anyone will be equating high fructose corn syrup with severe obesity.”
While Corn Kid’s pivot into politics seemed unconventional to many, it was a move that viral video stars have quietly undertaken.
“Viral TikTok memes and videos come and go within a week, two if you’re lucky. The industrious stars of the videos will cash in quickly, and the easiest way to do it is by pushing corporate agendas in our nation’s capital. Remember Nathan Apodaca, the guy who was drinking Ocean Spray while skateboarding to Fleetwood Mac? He’s single-handedly responsible for convincing Congress to pass legislation to reduce cranberry tariffs,” said lobbyist watchdog Kaitlyn Smith. “And now with Corn Kid lobbying on behalf of ‘Big Ag,’ don’t be surprised if the FDA suddenly greenlights genetically modified corn as big as footballs.”
As of press time, Tariq has become a target of scrutiny after charging a $50,000 speaking fee to deliver the commencement speech at Cornell University.