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Tiger Beat Sends Terrified 16-Year-Old Journalist to Gaza for War Coverage

GAZA CITY — Teen fandom magazine Tiger Beat sent novice 16-year-old journalist Palmer Fredricks to Gaza for live reporting, confirmed sources who didn’t know the publication covered world events and international conflict.

“Oh my God oh my God, what am I doing out here, you guys?” opined Fredricks, holding his phone in the air for any signal. “OK, so I read a little on Wikipedia about the conflict on the plane ride over. And not gonna lie, it seems like the international community should actively step in and put an end to this. Like, lowkey sus. Not chill at all. Plus, I forgot CBD gummies! My anxiety is through the roof. Ugh. I mostly post about TikTok trends and Timothée, but this place is giving total boomer energy. Nobody here has any rizz. Miss me with that aggro problematic confrontational bullshit, OK? I’m trying to create a safe space, I’m trying to set boundaries. And like, my tent has the worst vibes. Not a single color LED strip. I do love this tan vest, though, all these pockets. Total normcore, it’s a look.”

Frustrated sources confirmed Palmer’s presence.

“It’s a tragic situation and it’s dangerous what we’re doing out here, which is why I try to avoid that kid at all costs,” shared veteran Reuters reporter Marianne Kalvin, smoking a cigarette in between filing her stories over an encrypted network. “Palmer nearly gave away our location last night blasting Olivia Rodrigo at 2 a.m. This morning I woke up to him re-watching ‘Wednesday.’ It’s ridiculous. He has got to turn off those ‘beauty mode’ filters when filming himself live on the ground. And he uses way too many emojis in his articles. That shit might fly at Tiger Beat, Buzzfeed, or The AP, but not Reuters, damn it.”

Accepting the criticism, grizzled Tiger Beat editor-in-chief R. Roger Remnickson stood by his decision.

“Tiger Beat has always been synonymous with impeccable journalism. Occasionally, this means pivoting from teen culture to warzones. Those Pulitzers aren’t going to win themselves,” shared Remnickson while microwaving leftovers in his shared office. “We’re spread pretty thin here. All my regular K-Pop writers are still in Ukraine, while reporters usually on the Ariana Grande beat are stuck covering the GOP debates. We just can’t keep up.”

Tiger Beat confirmed that Palmer’s next assignment will be going deep undercover to report on negotiations with the Sinaloa cartel.