BURBANK, Calif. – Disney announced that the highly-anticipated third season of their hit series “The Mandalorian” will focus on Yoda as a teenager and his quest to lose his virginity prior to Jedi Academy graduation, opinionated sources confirmed.
“We’ve decided to age up the new season, so now Baby Yoda’s all grown and horny as hell,” stated Disney CEO Robert Iger to skeptical-looking advertisers. “Viewers will get a chance to see Grogu, or Greg as he now wants to be known, go through his awkward high school years as he embarks on a journey of sexual discovery. Our Market Research team led by my thirteen-year-old nephew Todd, has indicated that fans are very interested in following this beloved character’s coming-of-age pursuit to get laid before grad. I don’t want to spoil anything, but Grogu will absolutely at some point be force fucking an apple pie.”
A long-time Star Wars fan shared her trepidation about the show’s change in creative direction.
“I’m not sure how I feel about Baby Yoda being transformed into an insatiable ‘poon hound’ as the press release called him,” said Cathy McMillan. “We love him because he’s so gosh darn adorable not because he’s trying to get his little green peen wet for the first time. Apparently they also have new storylines for Moff Gideon who’ll be playing the crusty principal trying to stop Yoda from pulling off an epic end-of-year prank, and for Peli Motto whose drastic makeover will transform her from ugly duckling to school ‘It Girl’. Frankly, I’m outraged by Disney’s continued degradation of this beloved franchise, but yes, I’ll definitely check it out and go broke buying as much merch as humanly possible.”
Media Professor Dr. Jonathon Riggio explained how shows feel the need to evolve in order to attract new viewers.
“Networks feel pressured to push the creative envelope, sometimes to the point of absurdity,” expressed Dr. Riggio. “It’s a real risk to change a winning formula but if it works it can expand the fan base, but if it backfires it can alienate viewers. What’s next, Yoda getting addicted to fentanyl like he’s some kid on ‘Euphoria’? Wait, that could actually work. Do you happen to have Robert Iger’s phone number? This could be my ticket out of this shitty community college.”
At press time, season four was already in the works and would reportedly follow Yoda attempting to bust a human trafficking ring he unwittingly uncovers while backpacking from Amsterdam to Oktoberfest.