PEMBROKE, Mass. — Local Dad and Lowe’s sales associate Brian Weckbacher was “giddy as a schoolboy” yesterday after conversing with police officer Ben Henry inside a Dunkin’ Donuts.
“Any time I drive by a cop, I always wave — I just want them to know how much I love and respect their work,” said Weckbacher, wearing a “Sons of Anarchy” shirt, cargo shorts, and fisherman sandals. “When I walked inside and saw an actual police officer waiting in line like an average Joe, I insisted I buy him his coffee. I asked if this was the regular time he usually comes to Dunks’ in the morning, and he said he sometimes hits Marylou’s when his favorite barista isn’t in school, but that typically, this is his normal spot. Now I know when to come in here for my coffee and chocolate stick; hopefully I can talk shop with him again. He’s a very cool guy — he even had a gun and pepper spray. Wow! What a day.”
Ofc. Henry was pleased by the exchange, which included an offer to landscape his yard in addition to the free coffee.
“He’s a good kid, got a good head on his shoulders,” said Henry, a full five years younger than Weckbacher. “It feels good to know I made his day. The little guy was shaking the entire time — he was trying to play it cool, but I could tell he was excited to be talking to a police officer like the ones he’s seen on TV. All in a day’s work.”
UMass Boston psychology professor Daniel Carswell claimed fanboy interactions between aging white males and officers are on the rise.
“Small-town cops have become rockstars to many white suburbanites in America today,” said Carswell. “They see their friends adorning their trucks and gun lockers with the ‘Punisher’ logo and that black, white, and blue parody of the American flag, and they just want to be cool like their peers. It’s turned into this fad of people appreciating the police for doing not much. Respecting the police is a hot trend right now — in this way, the police are a bit like beanie babies, but less valuable in a lot of ways.”
At press time, Henry was reportedly driving Pembroke’s one homeless person deep into the woods, with plans of leaving her there in hopes she won’t find her way back to town.