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Six Things the Show “Dinosaurs” Got Wrong About Dinosaur Culture

Many so-called critics will tell you that the show “Dinosaurs” was a visionary masterpiece and technological breakthrough in television. But in hindsight, “Dinosaurs” was downright offensive in its depiction of dinosaur culture, often resorting to hurtful stereotypes and lazy jokes about ancient reptiles.

Don’t let nostalgia cloud your memories, fellow ‘90s kids! Here are six things the show “Dinosaurs” culturally got wrong about dinosaurs.

Every paleontologist knows that the interspecies marriage between Earl Sinclair, a megalosaurus, and Fran Sinclair, an allosaurus, would never happen. That would be like a pigeon marrying an eagle when we all know that pigeons marry other pigeons.

Earl pushed down trees for a living. His boss was a triceratops. I think you see where I’m going. Dinosaurs probably did not live in a capitalist, class-based system. Even if they did, there’s no way a dum-dum triceratops was management material. That’s definitely more of a gryposaurus job.

Like many ‘90s shows, Dinosaurs had an anti-drug episode. Heroin? Cocaine? Whatever drug Jessie Spano used before yelling “I’m so excited, I’m so scared” in “Saved By The Bell?” No. The show explicitly took a stab at the rampant steroids problem and how awesomely jacked they make you. However, the show failed to include how much more money a roided-up dinosaur would’ve earned if they had baseball back then.

Not one character wore pants despite all wearing tops. Just try to imagine the logistics of a T. Rex putting on a shirt with those evolutionarily feeble arms. I mean, c’mon. Chances are some of them wore jeans too. Besides, where were their genitals? You can’t have it both ways. Either give them some pants or show me dino dick.

Corporate Overreach
The series finale implies that corporations are so money-hungry that they’ll do anything even if it means every dinosaur goes extinct as a result of the environmental damage they’ve created. But that would be like blaming Amazon for corporate greed. Would a selfish company invent same-day delivery and “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel?” Doubtful!

Not the Mama
Besides resembling a nut sack in a yellow bib, Baby Sinclair’s whole personality was essentially just hitting his father with a frying pan while uttering a catchphrase that would be the era’s equivalent to Borat’s “my wife.” But, odds are Baby Sinclair or some kind of equivalent dino probably never existed. Studies show that dinosaurs probably did not have the mental capacity to use tools or star in music videos with a hip-hop-influenced middle eight.