KENT, Conn. — Film director and musician Rob Zombie reportedly lost his temper with a representative of Carvana when he was offered a paltry $5,000 for his beloved Dragula, neighbors confirmed.
“The last few movies didn’t so do hot so I have to offload some of my cars, but there is no way I’m taking beater car money for the fucking Dragula. You see these vintage gaslights on the side doors? That’s not stock man, I had a guy in Romania custom install those and that alone was two grand,” said Zombie. “I thought Carvana employed car experts, but this dork is standing in front of a one-of-a-kind Model T and acting like it’s a 1997 Honda Civic. It’s barely been driven, it’s got only 666 miles on it. Anything less than $40,000 and he’s getting locked in my basement.”
Greg Phillips, the Carvana representative who came to inspect the car, explained that their offer was based solely on the condition of the car and not its esteem.
“To be fair, we were initially prepared to pay much more based on what he filled out on the form. I understand Mr. Zombie’s reverence for this car, famous as it is. But from a financial standpoint it is literally Frankensteined together from vehicles that no longer exist. On top of that, there seems to be multiple body-sized dents on the hood, obvious evidence of unsavory peoples fucking in the backseat, and the windshield wipers are shot,” said Phillips. “While I am about two seconds away from shitting my pants in fear of the aura this car is giving off, I have to stand by our initial offer of five thousand dollars. Anything more and my supervisor will throw a shitfit.”
Used vehicle experts say that a vehicle’s acclaim does not always equate to being valuable.
“We get a lot of private collectors who think they’re sitting on a hefty payday, but their judgment is usually clouded by nostalgia. I’ve seen lots of Deloreans and Ecto-1s, but I’ve seen even more Herbie the Love Bugs and General Lees’. You know, cars no rational person would ever drive,” said Kelly Blue Book assessor Wendy Smith. “Most of them end up being clunkers anyway, especially the Dragula as it looks like it’s been to hell and back. Don’t get me wrong, it looks absolutely badass. But there really isn’t a market for an evil Munster Mobile.”
After hours of negotiating, Carvana agreed to pay Zombie $20,000 for the Dragula if he also threw in the Cadillac from the “Thunder Kiss ‘65” video.