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Right-Wing Punk Revisiting Dead Kennedys Discography Wondering When Band Went Woke

LINCOLN, Neb. — Local conservative, and self-proclaimed free thinking punk, Eddie Duff was confused by what he described as “woke propaganda” in Dead Kennedys lyrics while relistening to the band on a recent road trip, sources confirmed.

“I used to love this band. The way Jello said the ‘N’ word in ‘Holiday in Cambodia’ basically gave me permission to say it whenever I want. And these guys really seem to hate California, which I can relate to. I absolutely hate that place, even though I’ve never been there,” said Duff. “Then I listened to some more songs and realized these guys hate the police, which is crazy because cops are here to protect us. They are goddamn heroes in my eyes, any true punk knows that. And as a property owner I really didn’t like ‘Let’s Lynch the Landlord.’ The whole song feels like I’m getting an email from one of my tenants. If they wanted water or heat they should have rented a better place.”

Duff’s teenage daughter Layla was amused by how upset the songs made her father.

“Dad was trying to tell me about how the music I listen to is a bunch of Pro-Biden propaganda and wanted to show me ‘real music.’ After about 15 minutes he shut it off and said I needed to forget about it. Then we drove in silence for almost two hours,” said the 16-year-old. “He really got mad about some Nazi punk song. He kept talking about how it’s a ‘free speech’ thing and Nazis have every right to go to a show as the next guy. His face was so red I thought he was going to explode. Then he tried to tell me that Ronald Reagan was a great president that did a lot for the country and that these old bands had no idea what they were talking about.”

Music historian Clive Weston says a lot of people misinterpret the meanings of classic punk songs.

“I’ve met punks who thunk that ‘Fucked Up Ronnie’ by D.O.A. is a song about how fun it would be to get drunk with Ronald Reagan, and that ‘Rock the Casbah’ is exactly why Western countries need to invade the Middle East,” said Weston. “I think the so-called punks that believe this often have suffered some sort of head injury, or maybe the umbilical cord strangled them when they were born and the lack of oxygen to the brain had a lasting effect. I really can’t explain it.”

At press time, Duff was being rushed to the emergency room after being told about the actual message behind Black Flag’s “White Minority.”