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REPORT: Girlfriend Introduced as Bandmate

NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Local musician Bort “Borty” Giancarlo was observed introducing his long-term girlfriend and creative collaborator Anna Paloma as his bandmate, according to touring band Dog Noises and several confused locals.

“Anna and I have been together for five years and she’s certainly my soul mate, but being my bandmate is much more respectable than dating me, trust me,” Giancarlo clarified. “I just figured this would help her get a leg up with the touring band. I used to play shows with them back in Austin and I wouldn’t want them to get the wrong idea about Anna—she’s smart, funny, and talented, so it just doesn’t make sense she’d be dating me. This story tracks way better if she’s just our guitarist and we leave it at that.”

The members of Dog Noises appeared oblivious to the gesture Giancarlo bestowed upon Paloma, commenting only on how inseparable the two seemed as mere bandmates.

“They seemed so close! We wish we had that kind of rapport with one another,” lead singer of Dog Noises Jamie Flaven stated. “Our drummer doesn’t even high-five me after a set anymore, but Borty’s bandmate gave him a full-on kiss… with tongue! We noticed his other bandmates don’t get that kind of treatment, but she’s definitely very talented so it makes perfect sense he’d want to make out with her after a set. It’s not every day you find a non-drummer willing to load a kit, so you gotta show your appreciation when you can.”

Paloma confirmed she and Giancarlo are simultaneously dating and in a band together which makes introductions challenging for the duo.

“I mean Borty’s not wrong, I guess, we are in a band together,” Paloma said after loading gear in a van. “Being in a band with a couple is kind of the worst, so we tend to compartmentalize the roles we play in each other’s lives out of necessity. Besides, are we supposed to list all the ways we exist in each other’s lives each time we meet someone new? ‘Oh hi, here’s my boyfriend who happens to also be my bandmate and my personal chef and my dog walker and my ride later tonight?’ See it, sounds stupid.”

Giancarlo was last seen introducing his mom to his bandmates as his ex-roommate and angel investor.

Photo by Jana Miller.