BLUE ISLAND, Ill. — Reformed skinhead, public speaker, and talking head Tom Lupine is struggling to make ends meet as America’s racial tolerance landscape continues to shift, sources confirmed.
“I was an angry kid looking for a family, and I found it through hate,” Lupine reminisced. “But then Obama got elected, I was getting older, had bills to pay, and I wanted to settle down and start a family. And just reading the room, I felt there was an opportunity here to really cash in, so I decided to renounce bigotry once and for all or until it stopped paying my bills. Once I did that everyone wanted me to discuss my transformation and tell me how strong I was for it. I started booking college lectures, appearing on cable news. It was a prosperous time for me. But now that racial prejudice is back in style, no one wants to give me the time of day.”
Lupine cites the election of Donald Trump as the turning point that saw the country shift back to being openly racist.
“2016 allowed me to come out of the shadows finally. Just look at that MSG rally, it brought a tear to my eye to see so many like-minded people in one place,” said skinhead Robby Murphy. “I didn’t have to hide in plain sight anymore. Not only can I be openly racist, but I am being invited to speak at all sorts of places now — private schools, churches, nursing homes, Ben Shapiro podcasts, even cable news. Heck, I even have a few police departments trying to recruit me. It feels like the country is back on track. Really, it proves that no matter what, intolerance always wins in the end.”
Claire Shields, a booking agent specializing in speakers across the skinhead spectrum, has noticed the shift in demand as well.
“The market for reformed racists has definitely seen a decline,” Shields explained. “It’s shocking. People forget tolerance was so trendy for a long time, and it paid pretty well. People made a lot of money and we thought it would last forever. Reformation is just not en vogue right now, I’ve had to really shift my business model to take on more KKK members.”
At press time, Lupine decided to become an unreformed skinhead in order to cash in and make rent this month.