Press "Enter" to skip to content

Punk Dad Can Still Hang — Maybe Next Friday Between 5 p.m. And 8 p.m., or Potentially Two Saturdays from Now, but Only During the Day

CLEVELAND — Scene veteran and new father Darnell Tyler set out this week to prove his critics wrong by showing that, despite his new parental responsibilities, he can still hang — maybe next Friday between 5 p.m. and 8 p.m., or potentially two Saturdays from now, but only during the day, sources familiar with Tyler’s planning confirmed.

“I told everyone my life wasn’t going to change when I had a kid, and for the most part, it hasn’t,” said Tyler, staring blankly at a Ziploc bag of Cheerios he found in the inside pocket of his leather jacket. “I’m still the same guy. If you want to grab a beer or something, I’m there — just give me two months heads up about it. No big deal.”

Tyler claimed he has three hours carved out over the next six months to do whatever he wants — provided his wife, Mindy, can get the time off of work to take their daughter to the Little Heroes Gymboree. However, finding that time, he said, wasn’t the hassle so many parents warned him about.

“It’s much easier than everyone says,” said Tyler, fading in and out of sleep. “You’ve just gotta tell yourself: I will not be a prisoner to parenthood. You want to go see a show right now? I’ll go. I will. Well, maybe not right now. But definitely the third Tuesday of next month, if something’s going on, and as long as it’s over by 9:45 p.m. Actually, 9:30 p.m. just to be safe.”

Friends and family are reportedly shocked by how much free time Tyler has outside of his parenting responsibilities.

“Sure, he had to cancel on lunch two weeks ago, but we’re probably going to get together in the spring,” said Josh Filstein, Tyler’s longtime friend and former best man. “Probably April or May, but he said, ‘Definitely maybe by June, at the latest or earliest.’ He said it’ll be an early morning, probably at the end of the week. Maybe 3 or 4 a.m. Either way, he said he’d call me an hour beforehand. Man, can’t wait to see that guy and hear what he has been up to.”

Photo by Anya Volz @AnyaVolz.