AMHERST, Mass. — Serial public masturbator Aaron Goddard received an unexpected education in progressive politics when he wandered into a zine library, according to the volunteer staff.
“I’m not welcome at most local libraries for obvious reasons,” said Goddard. “So when I found this other kind of library I was excited for a new venue in which to ply my trade. However, I was immediately put off by the lack of computers. I was about to leave when I spotted a copy of something called ‘Lezzie Smut,’ which seemed promising. It wasn’t titillating in the usual sense, but I did find the content to be intellectually stimulating. I wound up forgetting all about beating off as I read zines on many subjects like civil disobedience and the bicycle as an instrument of revolution. I learned a lot about consent, the male gaze and my own role in the patriarchy.”
Zine librarian Clara Smith was pleasantly surprised by Goddard’s visit.
“I pegged him right off the bat as a creep,” said Smith. “He was your typical perv. I nearly kicked him out when I saw him hovering around the sex-positive zines, but he actually sat down and read a few cover-to-cover. We had a nice discussion regarding intersectionality and representation. I gave him a list of ethical porn he could peruse on his own time, and he even agreed to attend our weekly mutual aid cohort. He walked in as a pervert but left as an ally.”
Similarly, an activist group called The Marxxxists was known to be leading an effort to surreptitiously integrate leftist ideas into mainstream porn.
“Our group produces what appear to be normal pornographic clips at first glance,” said founder Annie Maddox. “However, we’ll take a common trope and then segue to leftist philosophy. For example, in one film, a scantily clad woman answers the door for a pizza delivery man, only to deliver a scathing critique of gig-work and modern day wage slavery before the inevitable sex scene. Another features a stepmom getting stuck in a dryer, which soon becomes a polemic on the elimination of social classes and the abolishment of private property.”
At press time, Goddard was spotted handing out leftist pamphlets to other local sweaty sickos in an effort to spread his newfound political enlightenment.