LOS ANGELES — Ticketmaster’s latest pre-sale for the Now That’s What I Call Music Tour allowed concertgoers to register for exclusive access to purchase overpriced,…
HUNTINGTON BEACH, Calif. — The entire state of California experienced a sudden and significant shortage of printer paper after Josh Freese attempted to print an…
FREDERICK, Md. — Local single man and self-proclaimed hopeless romantic Noah Reveis has at last identified what he described as “the perfect” song to close…
SAN DIEGO — Impoverished punk Greg “Spike” Templeton couldn’t be happier that his favorite band was not touring anywhere near him this summer, relieved sources…
BROUSSARD, La. — Gun store owners across the country reported the need to cut costs as summer break ushers in the start of a decline…
PHILADELPHIA – Local Burnout John Parker admitted he wasn’t surprised to receive an exclusive text from his dad today offering a job that he should…
MIDDLETOWN, Conn. — Hairy Goat Nipple, a microbrewery scheduled to open next year, is close to deciding on which image of a demon with a…
NEW YORK — Beau Willimon, showrunner for “House of Cards,” said he is sorry for creating a show with such an optimistic view of U.S.…
MILWAUKEE — The ashamed parents and siblings of recent high school graduate Chase Benson booed, hissed, and jeered as he broke with familial punk tradition…
FREDONIA, N.Y. — Local metalhead Sam Barnhill decided it would probably be a good call to wear his lone Johnny Cash t-shirt to his in-law’s…
LEXINGTON, Ky. — Members of the local music scene report a stronger sense of unity than they ever experienced thanks to the shared disgust and…
WASHINGTON — Elected officials across the country promised they would spend the rest of Pride month drafting legislation targeted at making life a living hell…
NEW YORK — Local punk Nick Frayson once again skipped an entire week’s worth of targeted workout routines totaling his entire body despite setting a…
KENT, Conn. — Film director and musician Rob Zombie reportedly lost his temper with a representative of Carvana when he was offered a paltry $5,000…
OKLAHOMA CITY — Employees at a local accounting firm are reportedly confounded by a recent hire who is simultaneously the worst co-worker they’ve ever had…