SAN JOSE, Calif. – Resident punk housecat Marigold keeps bringing Dead Kennedys merchandise to her owner and dropping it on her pillow every night, report…
SEATTLE — Multinational coffeehouse chain Starbucks rolled out a new seasonal offering to increase their market dominance of fall flavors with their new Wet Leaves…
The seedy nightclub scene has long been a staple of cinema and television, often serving as an inversion of the characters’ everyday lives—a metaphorical (and…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — The American Association of Grandmothers laid out plans for a thorough investigation into precisely when their grandchildren became “so gosh-darn tall”…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local dad Will Lowe somehow managed to accidentally “reply all” the national emergency alert test FEMA sent to all devices in America…
WASHINGTON — An ominous pulsating dark orb with unknown powers is set to replace Kevin McCarthy as the Speaker of the House following a historic…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — 43-year-old Van Halen fan Jared “Keyz” Keaton fulfilled his lifelong dream of playing the “Jump” synth intro at every Guitar Center location…
RICHMOND, Va. — Self-proclaimed alpha male Tom Harrington was left fighting for his life in the ICU after accidentally touching an unopened box of tampons,…
ORLANDO, Fla. — Local mother Doreen Ludip was shocked and outraged to discover a copy of the “Diary of Anne Frank,” which documents the Nazi…
PHILADELPHIA — The reportedly “chill” establishment known as the 9th Street Tavern in the Bella Vista neighborhood of Center City is now allowing patrons to…
BOSTON — Recently sober man, Brad McBride, is consuming non-alcoholic beers with a ruthlessness comparable to the way he used to consume alcoholic beers, worried…
COWARD, S.C. — Touring goth band Need Help Again With Ghoul, reportedly changed their entire world perspective of gloomy unenthusiasm after enjoying some fun in…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Local community members attending a nearby funeral reported the mood of the event was a bit sour thanks to the presence of…
WASHINGTON— Mitch McConnell revealed that he was “relieved” to learn that the specter of death he kept seeing slowly rambling behind him on Capitol Hill…
SARATOGA SPRINGS, N.Y — Local cigar smoker Charles Morley and his group of male friends who look and act exactly like him announced their raison…